Gails Blog

I’ve been married three times, and I haven’t had two husbands who’ve dealt with money the same way. It seems with every re-union, there are a whole new set of habits and preferences to learn about, and a ton of negotiating to do. It’s not a job for one sitting.

Yours, mine and ours: There’s no one right way to handle money in a re-marriage, but since you can’t escape responsibility for your partner’s decisions, you better talk about it. Some couples maintain separate savings and checking accounts, paying for their own personal and children’s expenses and sharing the costs of running the household. While they may still quibble over shopping habits, keeping some money separate leaves each partner free to indulge.

Who gets to decide: Couples have always struggled with how to save and spend their money. For the newly remarried this can be further complicated by their histories, particularly if spousal and child support are issues. To create a realistic picture of your financial state, keep tabs on where your money comes from and where it goes for about six months. Then you can make some decisions about how much each of you will contribute to the household, and how much discussion is appropriate (and who will prevail) when purchases are made.

Who we are with money: By the time we get to husband number two or three (or four), most of us have clearly defined money personalities that affect our decisions about education, housing, clothing, vacations, medical and dental services, investments, and gift giving. Financial responsibilities are also a big part of this discussion. While many a newly wed may know that her spouse has financial obligations to another family (a previous spouse, a mother, or Great Aunt Lucy), living with the reality is often very different from the intellectual acceptance of that responsibility.

Where credit is due: While each of us may have a different money management style, understanding which styles are no longer appropriate in a new family is critical. If you’ve always chased the blues with a shopping spree, you may have to take up kick-boxing. You’ll also have to get a grip on the impact of past decisions on your new family. One that’s often overlooked is the fact that divorce financial settlements are not binding on creditors. If you and your former spouse continue to have both of your names on a loan or account, you are at risk for each other’s financial behavior. That means the new family is also at risk. So take an inventory of your financial obligations.

Home safe home: Put more kids and more stuff under the same roof and you’ll probably want to take a look at your insurance. From home insurance to car insurance — adding teenage will be expensive so brace yourself — you need to do a full review. And if your divorce agreement assigns your former spouse as the irrevocable beneficiary on your life insurance to cover support responsibilities, it may be time to start shopping for new life insurance too.

Who gets what? You’re also going to have to deal with how your property will be distributed after death according to the law, the needs of your new family and prior agreements. Remarriage makes a will more important than ever. Biological or adopted children of first and remarriages are treated the same. While that may appear fair at first glance, when you consider the fact the first group is through college and the second set are only in elementary school, the picture changes. Most children expect money and property to follow a bloodline, not a wedding band. If you have a good relationship with your adult children, make time to talk over their concerns and expectations. And make sure you’ve clearly identified your position to your new spouse so there’s no misunderstanding about promises made.

Over time, the issues relative to merging your loves and your money will evolve. The issues you have to deal with initially will be very different than those that arise if you start having children together. Some of the things you should talk about may take some time to get to. And you may never be joined at the hip financially. But as long as you keep talking, keep sharing information and keep listening, you should be fine. 

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Wedding season is around the corner. Girls are going to be strutting their stuff in dresses that cost a bagful of money, and boys are going to wonder what all the fuss is about. The equivalent of a home downpayment will be spent on flowers, food, booze, and myriad other must-haves for the Big Day. Some people will spend DAYS getting married, hosting family and friends, and maxing out their credit.

Natasha, who does my makeup on the show, also does weddings and is looking forward to a banner season. Since we’re shooting on Tuesdays and Wednesdays this year, she’s free Fridays (Friday is the new Saturday) to make up all the brides and bridesmaids who need her skillful touch. And some won’t be satisfied with having her do the deed on the day; they’ll want a dry-run to make sure they’re happy. Money’s no object.

If there’s one theme running through the stories of the newly weds I’ve worked with it’s that a wedding that takes FOREVER to pay off is dumb. People will do the darndest things on their wedding days, or in the month’s running up to it. I worked with one woman who spent far more than she could afford just to prove to her much-despised family that she’d made it. Hmmm. Great way to start a new life with your partner, huh? Another couple I worked with had to invite half of Europe to keep the parents happy. But the parents weren’t kicking in to have all the family and friends flown in. Whazzup with that? Whose day is this anyway?

When you’ve been married as often as I have, you not only get good at wedding planning, you’re pretty determined to do it just the way you want. When I married my keeper-husband, Ken, we created our own vows and we were married in a park. It rained, an auspicious sign I was told. Convention was nowhere in sight.

Whether you’re getting married for the first time, or you’re jumping into the breach yet again, you’ll want the perfect wedding. But perfect doesn’t have to be expensive. It just has to be fabulous. So why are people prepared to take on gobs of debt to have a party that meets a bunch of other people’s expectations?

Your extraordinarily happy day doesn’t have to be the most expensive day of your life. Perfection comes at a price - not only financially but emotionally. You only have to take a gander at some of the Brides-Gone-Berserk TV shows to see just how off the rails you can go.

The first step to making your wedding work is to set some realistic expectations for what you want from your special day. You and your better-half-to-be should talk about what’s most important to you and your families. The next, and equally important, step is to establish a spending plan within which you will work. These two steps are closely tied together. What you want from your wedding will set the tone for how much you spend. And how much you have to spend should guide you in setting some realistic expectations. Making your dream wedding a reality shouldn’t mean digging a debt hole that will strain your new marriage; far better to eliminate some of the less important things. With a little creativity and some legwork you can make the day memorable in the most charming ways without a hangover of unmanageable bills.

If you invite the world and his uncle to your wedding, you’re going to be on the hook to attend a b’zillion weddings (and buy presents) when your friends and family reciprocate and invite you in return. I’ve just worked with a couple that, in the first year of their marriage, went to seven weddings. She was very embarrassed as she told about writing out a gift-card that included a cheque she knew would bounce. Wow! Why would people do that to themselves?

Everyone wants a visual record of this special day. But photographs or video can cost a small fortune: $1,200 to $5,000. If that’s out of your budget, get creative. Provide your guests with disposable cameras. Everyone taking pictures of everyone else having a fabulous time will create a memorable record of the event. If you have a friend who is especially good with a camera, request her services as a wedding gift. 

Spend $350 on a limo, or hitch a ride with mom and dad.  Spend $500 - $1,000 on a wedding dress, or let a friend or relative make it for you. Better yet, go retro and borrow a dress from a girlfriend, aunt or your mom. There now, you’ve taken care of the “borrowed” category (as in something old, new, borrowed, blue.)

Choose seasonal flowers rather than imported or green house flowers in your bouquets and centrepieces. Flowers that are not in season send costs up, up, up. Use your bride’s maid’s bouquets to adorn the head table and use the aisle flower arrangements from the ceremony as table centerpieces at the reception.

The reception is another good place to cut costs. For a small gathering of 30 people or so, have your reception at a restaurant - just don’t book it as a wedding reception. Reconsider the time at which you’re having your reception. A lunch, afternoon tea, finger-foods in the early evening or desert table will be far less expensive than the hip-of-beef-approach. You don’t have to offer every alcoholic beverage available under the sun. Stay away from mixed drinks. Go with a couple of wines (one white, one red) and a couple of beers (one domestic, one imported) and you’ll save tons.

While this last tip might not save you any money, it may save your sanity. Be ready to delegate jobs when people ask, “What can I do to help?” Write every job that needs to be done on index cards. Then when people asked what they can do, give them a card. Also consider naming a friend as your Wedding Director. On the big day, any questions, problems or complaints should go to the Director so you’re free to enjoy your wedding.

Review your spending plan frequently to keep yourself on budget. Here’s a simple budget worksheet that’ll show you the average spent, which you can use to manage your expenses.

It’s really easy to let enthusiasm spiral into huge costs. But with a little creativity and a willingness to do it yourself, at least in some areas, you can have the wedding day you’ve always dreamed of without having to promise away your first born.

Okay, I’ve done it. A Woman of Independent Means has been updated, edited, uploaded…

and now it’s ready to be purchased. You asked for it, so BUY IT!

 

When I started this website a half-year ago, I promised I’d answer one of your questions every week. I’ve been inundated with questions, and have been responding to two a week. But there are times when I’ve got so many great questions that need to be answered, that I just take a couple of hours and fire-through them. Here’s what I have for you today.

rinkrat_hockeymom wrote:

One of my employers is not taking enough tax from my paycheck. I have been having an extra $50 a pay taken out to cover this since the beginning of the year. I was telling a friend about this, and he suggested it would be more beneficial to take that $50 and put it into an RRSP and I would get thed same result, plus be able to save my own money instead of lending it to the government for a year. Is he correct?

Not quite. While every dollar you put in your RRSP is not taxable, you’d have to put the entire income you’re earning from your second employer into an RRSP to achieve the result your friend is suggesting. I’m all for that… but I don’t think that’s what you’re trying to achieve. So you’re doing the right thing.

If you want to calculate your tax exactly, you can go to Taxtips for a really thorough calculator. If that one makes your head spin, here’s a simpler one that will give you a basic of idea of how much tax you should pay.

 

L from B.C. wrote:

I have just come into to some money — $35,000.00 — and I am wondering what I should do with this money. I currently don’t own my place (renting) and just finished paying off my line of credit ($25,000.00) at the bank as well as my credit card ($25,000.00). I have been working as a cashier for six months at $10.00 an hour. I am looking for a better paying job right now. Can you give me any advice for this $35,000.00. Should I invest this money or maybe put the money into an ING Direct account at 4.5%? I don’t think I am eligible for a mortgage just yet…?

I get a lot of notes like this with people asking for advice on what they should do with a lump of money that’s just fallen into their laps. I like to tell people to:

1. Take care of past mistakes,

2. Have some fun in the present, and

3. Plan for the future.

So, L, on the Take Care of Past Mistakes front, congrats on getting all that debt paid off! Wow! You’re one determined young woman. You’re in a much better place now and you should be very proud of your accomplishment.

On the Plan for the Future front, you’re right when you say you aren’t ready for a mortgage yet, particularly in your neck of the woods.  But you are ready to set up an emergency fund, start an RRSP, even with just a couple of thousand bucks, and begin building your downpayment. As for where to invest the money for your downpayment to grow, you’ll need a financial guide for that. Ask friends/family for a referral to their GREAT financial advisor. Don’t settle for anything less than GREAT!

Using a high-interest account is smart. Making sure you know what you want to accomplish with the money is smart too. So ask yourself what’s important to you and by when you’d like to achieve that goal. Plan from there.

As for my number 2 point: have some fun in the present, don’t go nuts, but take some of your money and treat yourself and someone you love to a Nicey: Dinner out, a fun weekend of movies, a new piece of furniture you’ve been wanting, or a lovely new dress. Or you could decide to set up a Mad Money Account, putting $500 or $600 aside that you can spend on anything you want whenever you want, just for the hell of it.  Have a ball.

 

On a similar theme, K wrote:

I have an inheritance if 60,000 and wondered if I should double up on my mortgage payments each week (that is the maximum allowed) or wait put the money in a high interest account until the mortgage is up for renewal this December 2008 to bay off a chunk of the 120,000 principle?

The faster you put the money to work against the mortgage, the more you’ll save in interest. And any interest you earn is taxable, but the interest you save is not. So double-up and then use whatever is left to make the principal pre-payment at the end.

 

Carman wrote:

What is your opinion for a person to use RRSP savings to pay down debt? We have enough RRSP savings to pay off our debt (excluding Mortgage). Thanks for all you teach on your show, I think everyone could learn something.

I’ve answered this one before, but I’m going to answer it one last time since I get this question every week. Really.

The answer is: DON’T DO IT! I know there are some people who say this is a good idea, but it’s a terrible idea. A really terrible idea. First, there’s the tax you’ll end up paying on the withdrawal from the RRSP, and then there’s the tax you’ll owe because the amount withheld won’t have been enough.

If you’re determined to get rid of your debt, then you’re going to have to bite the bullet, tighten your belt and put your shoulder to the grindstone. If that’s not enough metaphors for you, I have plenty more!

 

T wrote:

hi gail i watch your show all the time and i was just wondering i am 17 and still going to school and planning to go to university soon i am extremely good with money and saving and i have about 7000.00 in my bank account right now. would u recommand when i turn 18 to get a credit card and always pay it off in order to get my credit rating started. i would never spend more than what i have or even come close to spending all i got so i dont think it wud be a problem but just asking for ur advice.

T, if you swear on your Mom’s head that you’ll never spend more money than you have, then I say getting a credit card to build a credit history is a good idea. I’ve seen a lot of kids (and elders) start out with the best intentions and then fall into the carrying-a-balance trap. But if you promise not to be one of the dopes, then I’d say go for the card, Bud, and build yourself a fabulous financial history.

 

Sarah wrote:

My husband and I love your show - yes I said both of us - you’ve got us talking about our finances - YAY! Our question is in regards to student loan debt. I’m in the process of finishing my PhD and my husband and I each have 3 degrees. Our combined students debt is $62,000 (not bad considering) and we have a new mortgage of $120,000. So many of our friends have just followed the plan offered by the bank/government - but 12 years to pay it off??  We gross $76K a year but we’re going to be starting a family soon and our plan right now was to add $200/month as a prepayment to our mortgage. What do you suggest - balance pre-payments and extra student loan payments? Should we make one a priority over the other (student loan interest is prime +1, mortgage 6.3 locked for 10 years)?  We would really appreciate your advice - the bank always says “follow the plan, then you have more disposable income” - yes and they make more money in interest! love your show and your kick-butt attitude.

Ah, yes, there are those Pesky Bankers again, telling you to keep more disposable income so they can rake in more interest. Hmmm. Is it any wonder Canadian’s don’t trust their advisors?

Sarah, leave your mortgage payments as they are, and use all your extra money to pay off your student loans, which is your more expensive debt. Once that is paid off, you can balance mortgage prepayment with long-term saving. As for starting a fam soon, have a great time with that. And while you’re preggers, live on the one income you’ll have during your mat leave so that you

a) get used to having a smaller income, and

b) have a nice pool of savings set aside for when baby gets here.

 

Kerry wrote:

I am a 21 year old full time worker. I graduated with a 2-year diploma in Bus Adm (major accounting) and have taking Intro to Financial Planning as well. After graduating from college with WAY MORE DEBT than I ever imagined from 2 years of school, I have got myself back on track by my own means and would like to offer a credit/debt counseling service outside of my full time job (which I love). I want to educate people before they make the same mistakes I did, and/or repair the mistakes already made. Only problem I have found in my plan is, how do you charge a fee when your clients are already living paycheque to paycheque? PS your show and outstanding way of making the obvious PAINFULLY obvious has changed my life and influenced my (hopefully!) future career path immensely!

Hey, Kerry, that’s a darned good question. Some people who work in debt management affiliate themselves with a company that will allow them to do debt-counseling. Credit counselors, for example, are often not-for-profit organizations that help clients consolidate their debt and set-up repayment plans. And I do know of at least one private company that builds their fee into the “consolidation” loan. You might want to look at that as an option.

So, all you debtors out there, what would you be willing to pay to have someone dig you out of a hole, and how would you come up with the moolah?

 

Mercedes wrote:

I am a 24 year old university student living on my own and paying all of my bills yet have still managed to save about 15000.00 in the past 2 years. I have no debts and am wondering what to do with this money to make it grow for the future. I feel as though it’s just sitting there. How much should I set aside for a rainy day/emergency fund? Thanks!

Okay, all you student debtors who tell me you can’t possibly save any money while going to school, heads up to this.

Mercedes, you are a shining light. Congrats!

As to what to do with the money, set side at least $5,000 in a high interest account for emergencies. Ultimately, you want to have 3-6 months’ worth of living expenses covered. As for the rest, it’s time to learn to invest. Read about investing. Choose a couple you think might work for you and watch them for a while to develop a comfort level. When you think you’re ready, take the plunge. Don’t be too aggressive too quickly. And never invest in anything you can pronounce or don’t understand.

 

Carrie wrote:

I am currently on mat leave with 2nd baby. We figured out if I return to work I will be contributing 2/3 of my take home pay to working expenses and only contributing 1/3 of my take home pay to the household. Does this make it worthwhile for me to return to work? Or is the smart thing to try to find a part time job to make up the money we are short? Or, with only about 6 years left on our mortgage, should we reduce our mortgage payments in order to live, until I can return full time in about 5 years?

You seem like a clear-thinking girl. You’ve certainly outlined your options well. Here are my answers

Does this make it worthwhile for me to return to work? Yes, if you need the 1/3 to make ends meet.

Or is the smart thing to try to find a part time job to make up the money we are short? Really? This is a question? Work less to make the same? Where’s the question?

Or, with only about 6 years left on our mortgage, should we reduce our mortgage payments in order to live, until I can return full time in about 5 years? This, too, is an option, if you’re prepared for the extra interest cost over the life of the mortgage. You don’t say how old you are, but how old could you be with a second baby just here? So you have lots of time to get this mortgage paid off.

Now, the question is, what do YOU think you should do?

 

S wrote:

I work part time as a nurse, so I actually bring home more money per hour with my liue of benefits. Is it better for me to work full time and “bring home” less money, but have job security, sick time and vacation? I am 41 married with two school age children. Thanks and I love your show-your sense of humour really makes it!

It’s hard to answer this question when I don’t know how much less you’d be bringing home, or how that would impact your cash flow. Assuming you don’t NEED the extra for essentials, then the security of full-time with benefits would be a huge blessing, particularly with young kids. However, if the extra money you’re bringing in is essential to your budget, then maybe not. What do you think?

 

Erin wrote

On your show, you give your clients an “office in a box” with all kinds of file folders and coloured tabs. I tried making my own and it doesn’t look as nearly detailed or full as yours. What categories do you have in your box?

Go read 12 Steps to Getting Financially Organized and the blog Paper Chase.

 

For Lynn who wrote:

How long should you keep your paperwork, such as bill statements, payments and income tax forms

Ditto

 

A wrote:

If I have a defined benefit pension plan with my employer, do I really need to contribute to an RRSP? Also, how do I figure out my “tax bracket” as I am planning to withdraw $10,000 from my RRSP to pay down debt - if the withholding tax is 30% then how do I estimate the additional tax I will pay next April - my gross income is about $60,000…

A, you likely don’t need an RRSP if you have a defined benefit plan. I’d be very surprised if you have much contribution room at all. If you do, then I would use it up, but not break your neck to do so. As for writhdrawing money from your RRSP to pay off debt: DON’T DO IT!

 

Tammy wrote:

I have 2 children: a son who is 20 and has finished 3 years of university and a daughter 19 who has finished 1 year of college. We have paid for the tuition and book for the 3 years for my son and paid the 1st year of college for my daughter and have enough to pay for her 2nd year, her course is 2 years long. I do not want my kids to finish school and owe money but my husband and I find that most of our money goes to the kids and there is none left over for us. We have been putting a lot of things for them on our line of credit and it just keeps going up, I know I need to stop but I don’t want to see them acquire any debt but I just feel that my husband and I are sinking further and further into debt and we have been arguing over the money spend on the kids. If you any suggestions on how we can work this out I would really appreciate it.

It’s nice that you don’t want your kids to graduate with debt, but you’re accumulating debt and that’s no good either. I hope your kids are contributing to their own education. If they are not, that’s the first place to start. There is no such thing as a free ride in life, and 19 and 20 are plenty old enough to start dealing with life’s realities. Help your kids. That’ great. Don’t do yourself damage in the process. That’s dumb!

 

Victoria wrote:

Hello. Congratulations with the show. I have been watching it daily for some time now. I have put my husband on a $200 a month budget. This money includes his gas and extra spending. We have been using the jars for three weeks now. So far so good. I am currently on maternity leave and working one day a week that I am allowed. I am making $430 every two weeks. I am trying to save this for our vacation at Christmas. Do you think it would be better to put this money onto the line of credit and then take it back out when we need it? Also, we just did a balance transfer on our one credit card. We have an interest rate of 1.9% until November. Should we penny pinch and put every last cent on it so it is paid off by then? Thanks so much and keep up the great work.

First the credit card question: Absolutely pinch every penny so the card is paid off before your great rate expires in November.

Now the line of credit question: Yes you should put it to the line first, and then take it back off when you need to, to minimize your interest costs. But I don’t think a fam on mat leave with a balance outstanding on their line of credit should be prioritizing a holiday over debt repayment. Once you return to work full time, I can see saving the money for a holiday. But while you’re living on a reduced income, and have debt, your focus should be on getting out of the red.

Are you sorry you asked?

 

M wrote:

My husband says that it’s not smart to start a RRSP because I owe $50,000 in student loans, which I am paying the minimum right now. I work part time as a RN and I have 2 kids. I’m 38 years old and I feel that I have to get started. What should I do?

You should get started, you’re right. But your husband is right too. Since you’re only working part time, your marginal tax rate isn’t high, and paying only the minimum on a $50K student loan is stupid. You’ll pay way too much in interest. So:

1. Up your student loan repayment amount to an amount that’ll have you debt free in five years or less, and

2. Start contributing $200 a month to an RRSP.

If you don’t have enough to do both, you’re going to have to find a way to make more money.

 

S wrote:

I would like to know if there is a way to save money on a disability pension.

I’m surprised by how often I get this (or a similar) question. There are a lot of people out there trying to make do on disability income, which should be a heads-up for all the people who don’t yet have disability insurance. As for this question, the answer is quite simple: If you have extra money after all your basic needs are met, you can save some. If you don’t, you can’t.

I’m sorry that there seem to be so many people living a marginal life on less income than they need. It’s a tough haul and you have my admiration for making a go of it.

 

Another M wrote:

My wife and I are a one-income family and even with a very tight budget our expenses are always more than our costs every month. I have mentioned taking some of the equity from our home (either re-mortgaging or a straight loan) to ease some of the expenses until my wife gets back to work. So, I was wondering, is it ever a good idea to take a home equity loan?

You don’t say why your wife is off work, or how long it may be until she’s fully employed again, and that affects the answer. If this is a short-term thing, then I’d say do the refinance and un-strap your budget. If it’s a long-term thing, you may have to sell your home to make it through. Good luck.

 

Karen wrote:

My relationship with my boyfriend of 8 years is strained to say the least because of this debt and not knowing how to budget. We have thought of calling it quits. I think the icing on the cake was when I was offered a job but would have to take a 14k cut in pay for 2 years from what I am making now, but then would make over 100k a year after that. I had to turn it down because each month I am going further and further into debt AND with a 14k a year cut in that!??! How would I make ends meet? Help! Please point me in the right direction.

I don’t often say this, but are you sure you’re in the right relationship? After all, is this the way you want to spend the rest of your life: giving up your hopes and dreams because your partner can’t get outside himself long enough to stop going into debt for crap? If you’re determined to stay in the relationship, then I’d separate the money - yes, you heard me say “separate the money” - and make the Boy Man responsible for himself. If he can’t do it, then either reconcile yourself to a life of misery with him, or get the hell out!

 

RC wrote:

What is the best way to invest money that I am intending to use toward the purchase of a home/condo, in one years’ time. I would be a first time buyer.

Since your time horizon is very short, you need to stick with something that has no volatility at all. Go with a term deposit, GIC, high-interest savings account… wherever you can get the best rate for one year.

 

Carol wrote:

I am 55 years old and will retire at age 64 with a good Omers Hydro pension. I was a single mother raising 3 children for most of their lives, so savings and retirement planning were not a priority. However, as my children are now grown I have more disposable income. Is it too late to start RSP’s or should I concentrate on paying off my mortgage?

Since you’re over 50 and have a good pension, I’d focus on paying off that mortgage so you’re retiring mortgage free. If you still have money left over, you can take me out for dinner.

 

Cynthia wrote:

I watch your show all the time and I noticed that you always talk in terms of household income and don’t discuss the differences in the amount each person makes. My boyfriend and I recently purchased a home, but we still have totally seperate finances, we live like roommates, simply splitting the common expenses in half and then we each pay our own credit cards etc. I would like us to be a more equal partnership, but he still thinks in terms of “your money” and “my money.” Is there a proper way to start combining finances?

Girl, you and your honey need to get on the same page. Go and read To Consolidate or Not to Consolidate and So You’re Getting Married even if you’re not.

 

Brett wrote:

My wife and I have recently realized that our parents are in rough financial shape, planning on relying solely on a single pension in retirement (no RRSPS). How can we approach them to talk about it and get them doing something about it? We feel as if we will be burdened by our parents within the next 15 years, and need help to get this situation under control!

Sorry Brett, it might already be too late if they have not been planning and are pretty close to retirement, with not enough money. Do they have assets they can liquidate to provide an income? Can they move to a less expensive community to cut costs? In terms of just approaching them about the issue, read Aging Parents: Talking about the Money. 

 

Okay, that’s it. My brain is mush and my fingers are cold from the breeze created as they’re flying across the keyboard! Ha! 

 

BTW: I’m planning to put up a series of articles on home buying. Are there any special topics y’all want me to cover? Speak now.

I received a letter recently from a mom whose daughter is getting married shortly. She wanted to hire me to give her daughter a crash-course in money and life before the wedding. It got me thinking about what’s available out there in terms of advice for the soon-to-be-wed. So I took a look around. Sad to say, the information is patchy. Long on big, sweeping statements. Short on details, and even shorter on common sense.

I got to thinking about what I’d say to Leah if we had a chance to sit and chat. The result is a series of articles I’m putting up today to help people who are getting married to think about their money, their lives together, and how to plan for both.

Here’s a list of what I’ve got for you

So You’re Getting Married?

To Consolidate or Not to Consolidate?

We Inc.

Coming Clean

Choosing a Financial Guide

Our Wedding Budget Worksheet

 

The worksheet not only shows you what people spend on average for the various parts of their wedding, but it lets you estimate what you think you’ll spend and then record what you actually spent so that you can see how on- or off-track you are.

Now, you can choose not to use the budget worksheet. After all, this is a magical day, a day of dreams-come-true. You CAN have it all!

And then you can pay for it for a b’zillion years. You can give up on owning a home, delay having children, pay scads and scads of money in interest and wonder what the hell you were thinking when five years later you’re still not finished paying off your magical day, your dream-come-true. 

Have you seen all those shows about brides-gone-nuts? Is that what you think a wedding should be about?

My husband has a theory that people get married in front of dozens or hundreds of people so that they’ll feel the social pressure to stay together. If that’s why you’re having a big wedding, bank the money to pay for the divorce.

If you’re having a big wedding to make your parents happy, tell them to pay for the party.

If you’re having a big wedding so you can party until 3 a.m., get polluted without guilt, and make a general dope of yourself, have fun with that!

And if you’re having a big wedding because you just wanna, and you can afford it - there’s absolutely no debt involved and you already own your home - then go for it.

But if you’re going to be left with even fifty cents of debt, you’re an idiot and your partner should run screaming from the room right now. Go. Run. After all, who goes into debt for a fricken party?

Since I don’t want to be a wet blanket, I’ve said all I’m going to say about have a big, flashy, EXPENSIVE wedding. It’s your life and you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

BTW Leah, your mom sure does love you. She went through hoops to contact me and was very persistent. You’re a lucky girl. I hope you have a wonderful wedding, that all your dreams come true, and that you remember that everything that happens to us is a blessing because it makes us grow. Keep growing.

kisses, g