Gails Blog

Marriage can sometimes seem like a hit-or-miss proposition. According to the Stats Man, the divorce rate varies greatly depending on how long couples have been married. It rises rapidly in the first few years of marriage, with divorces peaking between year three and year five of marriage, and then declines.

Now, one would think that maturity would help to reduce the incidence of divorce. I mean the longer you wait to commit, the more sure you’d be that you’d made the right choice. And people are waiting longer. In 1950 the average age for first marriage for men was 28.5 years and for women was 25.9 years. By 2000, the average age at first marriage was 30 years for grooms and 28 years for brides. By 2001 the ages had jumped to 34.3 and 31.7 years for grooms and brides.

For all our maturity, the likelihood of divorce hasn’t gone down. In 2003, almost 40% marriages ended in divorce.

The fact that we don’t measure the ending of a common-law union is making our divorce figures look better than they are, since we’re not measuring with any accuracy the number of “committed relationships” that are ending. The 1981 census was the first to record common-law unions and at that time about 6% of couples were forgoing marriage for an “alternate lifestyle option.” Twenty years later the rate of common-law unions had more than doubled to 14%.

With only the General Social Survey to go by, the Stats Man reports that couples who choose a common-law relationship as their first conjugal union have a greater probability of in separation. Yup, more than 60% of people who choose common-law relationships are expected to separate.

Sadly, whether married or living together, there’s a lot of garbage to clean up, both emotional and financial, when a relationship comes to an end. And no matter how hard you work to protect yourself, when the relationship ends, is can be a miserable experience.

People do all sorts of things to prepare for the end when they see the train heading towards them. With three kids, MT has set aside money her significant other is unaware of. She wants to know if she has to disclose this money.

Yup, eventually, but not know. When it comes time to fill out the financial paperwork, MT, you’ll need to fess up. But for now, if you think you’re going to need money you won’t have access to as you work through the separation and divorce, then I believe you’re doing the right thing to protect yourself and your children financially.

Paula wants to know what she need to consider in terms of her long-term financial security. Well, m’love, let’s start with the fact that statistically, you’re going to live longer than your ex and if you don’t have some pension money for when you’re no longer working, you’re not going to be living very well. So make sure you get your fair share of the pensions: company pension plans, RRSPs, and government benefits should all be split fairly.

JP wants to know if his ex-wife will be entitled to half the house even though the downpayment came from his parents. Well, Jack m’boy, if you and your wife signed an IOU to your parents for the downpayment, then that money won’t form part of her settlement. If not, she gets half of the equity in the matrimonial home, regardless of who paid the mortgage or made the downpayment.

Divorce is hard. Not being prepared for divorce is dumb. No matter how smoothly you think your parting is going to go, you need to be prepared for some bumps. Optimism is great. Delusion is costly.

We are planning to produce two special episodes of the show this year featuring couples who have made the decision to split up. Couples cast in these episodes would get all the same great information about managing their money, paying off debt and planning for the future - as well as some practical tips to help them start the process of building a new life. If you know anyone planning to separate who could benefit from my help, please send them to www.themoneytest.com to fill out the application. They should note the status of their relationship clearly in the application.