Who’s Holding Your Umbrella?
Into each life a little rain must fall. You’ve all heard that before, right? I add my own twist: And if you don’t have an umbrella, you’re gonna get wet! I usually use this addition when I’m talking about how important it is to have an emergency fund – an umbrella – to deal with gray skies.
I get a lot of letters from people who are dealing with very gray skies, and have no idea what to do. Most of them are angry. Some are sad. A few are resigned. Unfortunately, all of them are looking for an answer from outside of themselves. They’re looking for someone to give them an umbrella, or at least hold it for them.
I’ve worked with people who gamble and intellectually accept that their gambling is creating problems for them, but are unwilling to give up the “fun” they experience. I’ve worked with people who smoke, but complain that they don’t have the money to do the things they wish they could do with their families. I’ve worked with people who shop, buying total CRAP because it’s there.
Recently, a woman posted on my blog that she’d gone on ebay to sell her too-small clothes so she could buy her daughter, who had experienced a growth spurt, new clothes. She ended up spending $1,000 on a plaque and new tea-cups. “What now?” she asked.
At the crux of the problem is an unwillingness to accept personal responsibility for the actions we’ve taken. Your life is your own creation. If you feel like a victim, you have made it so. So if you’re in debt from all the shopping you did a while ago, and now can’t afford to even buy a new pair of shoes for your kid, you first have to accept that YOU did this.
I keep saying that I believe you can have anything you want in life if you’re willing to do what it takes to create it. If you’re life if full of crap, you first must accept that you had a part in creating it. Skip the blaming. Pass on the justification. Refusing to accept responsibility robs you of your power.
Once you’ve accepted that you had some small part in the creation of your reality, you can get busy taking action. Sure, you’re going to be scared. You cannot allow the fear to stop you. Fear is a remnant of old conditioning that is a barrier to you being all you can be. Feel the fear and DO IT ANYWAY! Treat the fear as a signal that tells you to be well prepared and TAKE ACTION.
Success comes from action. Don’t shy away from doing the hard work. Embrace it. Be committed to it. DO IT!
Through it all, you must learn to TRUST YOURSELF. Through your experiences, you have developed skills, strengths, intuition. Use them. Seek the counsel of experts when needed but rely on yourself to make the final call. Become self-reliant. The ability to trust yourself is one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself.
Change is never easy. Sometimes it’s lonely. Often it hurts. And there’s nothing wrong with grabbing a cup of tea and a girfriend and having a good cry. But don’t stay there. Pick up, brush off, and get moving. You can experience joy by choosing to focus on joy.
You can have anything you want. I believe that. The question is, how badly do you want it?
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September 29th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Hi Gail!!
I LOOOVVVVEEEE your show and watch reruns all the time.
My husband finds your show interesting but is getting sick of me watching reruns..haha…let’s just say we will both be happy when new episodes come on:]
I know what you mean about trusting yourself and the difficulties of change.
At first it was difficult that my husband and I had accumulated so much debt together..mostly student loans…and then his parents offered us money for wedding and down payment which we were grateful for but it still took us awhile to learn the hard way. Through your show and making ourselves financially responsible (accounting for all debt, paying bills before they are due, using the EVIL JARS, as my husband called them at first but now accepts thankfully, planning for retirement and myself being back in school) I have learned so much and done my own research about my finances that I am honestly becoming more savvy as time goes on and I feel so much smarter and better for taking charge!!!
My husband calls me a Gail Wannabe…lol
Thanks for all your help these last few years.
I am financially smarter and better off because of you!
Cheers!
September 29th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Sarah, your Gail Wannabe cracked me up… whenever my husband and I are having a financial discussion and I don’t know the answer, he always said ‘If Gail came to our house, what would she say?’ (then I took on an extra part time job after he said that once so I could make sure we can hold our own umbrella…lol)
September 29th, 2008 at 10:21 am
It’s funny, along Gail’s line of thought on accepting accountability is my war on the phrase “I/we/they didn’t have time to do whatever” instead of using “I chose not to do whatever.” People often forget that they had just as much time as someone who got the job done, they just made different choices but then say they ran out of time. By saying ‘I chose not to do it’ at least forces some acknowledgement of personal accountability.
September 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am
A great post Gail - thanks so much. We all have things that we know that we should be trying harder at and this post is great motivation.
September 29th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I love this post. It’s so inspiring and truthful. We have to own our accountability. A great reminder when we walk past all the “crap” we don’t need. No-one forces us to buy needless things.
September 29th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Gail’s philosophy makes good sense. For example, our son tells us he’d like our support to help him pay for driving lessons - as well asl funds for his rugby team to go to New York. Soooooooo….I found out when the deadlines were, divided up the months and then matched the $ over those months. Now I contribute automatically $225/month to our savings account - that way ‘the $ will be there’ = less stress & less debt.
September 29th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Haha…I too am referred to as “Gail” by my hubby. Quite funny, quite a compliment at the same time. When I begin to tell my hubby why a certain purchase wouldnt be a smart one, he will almost always say…”Yes Gail, Ok Gail”…haha. Love it!
September 29th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
YAY! A hearty cheer for encouraging your ownership of your own life!!!!
and on that thought…..
Life is what you make it.
Ask and you will receive (even if you didn’t know you were asking for it!) so be careful what you wish for.
Every day is new to embrace and take the shape you give it.
Your reality is what you most focus on… so focus on the good changes!
Energy is neither created nor destroyed
What goes around comes around
If you have dug yourself into a hole, it’s never too late to carve out some steps!
etc, etc, etc
September 29th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
This was an amazing post Gail. SO true too. I find that a lot of people will do ANYTHING to escape the blame of their situation. I myself was guilty of this - but not anymore!!
By taking ownership of my situation so many things have changed, for the better!! I am no longer stressing over what will happen if something “bad” happens. I am learning to save for the things I want. I take one day at a time, and one pay cheque at a time! 
I got myself into this “mess” and i need to get myself out!!
September 29th, 2008 at 5:24 pm
Hi Gail,
I’ve been a lurker for awhile and watch your show. While I was never in debt I never managed my money well - lots of education to pay for, raiding savings for when I was looking for job after schooling, and just really not even knowing how much I spent. But since watching your show I’ve implemented a budget and two savings accounts (emergency and the other for big purchases and eventually a condo), as well as an RRSP and an investment account. It is amazing what you can accomplish in a few months. I’ve watched my savings grow and found it incredibly easy to stay within my budget. While I don’t do the jars, I do use only cash and go to the machine only twice a month to take out money. Thank you Gail for making me take a hard look at myself and making it easier than I thought to budget!
I do have a question for you though - what is your take on the US meltdown and its implications for Canada (besides having an extra big umbrella)? I don’t have a lot invested by any stretch of the imagination but what I do have I plan to hold on to (blue-chip stocks) for the long haul, but the rhetoric is starting to make me doubt my position. I’m trying to sort out the panic and fearmongering from the everything is fine “it is just a correction” hype.
Thanks!
Lise
September 30th, 2008 at 7:16 am
Lise, it is very hard to say what’s going to happen next. If you’re young and in it for the long term in blue chips, you should hold your course. But this is NOT Just A Correction. This is a big deal. We’re coming down the right side of the cycle and we’re still not at the bottom, so there is a way to go before we start climbing up again. The good news is that investments will be cheaper to buy, as will homes be, so people who felt they were out of the game have a fresh opportunity to get back in with some planning and a clear head.