A Whole Life Full of Remarkable People
Very often people are seen in a particular light: I’m a mother to my children, their friends, and their friends’ parents. To some I’m a nut. To the farmers around whom I live, I’m a city-girl. To those people who interact with me at school, I’m a parent or a busy-body or a Crazy Woman. You’ve seen my eyes pop out of my head on TV. Imagine what it’s like when people are messin’ with my children!
My children helped to define who I am. Before my daughter, Alex, came along, I was this sex-pot, career-focused over-achiever who thought the world revolved around me. The whole world. (Hey, don’t laugh about the sex-pot thing… you should have seen me in a bikini before babies!) After I had my children I became a much nicer person simply because I realized that I was so much more. I love motherhood. And I’m damn good at it.
One of the things that helped me be such a good mother was the realization that I couldn’t control everything. When my son was about four I found out that he has Asperger’s Syndrome - a classification of autism. Along with it came a significant language disability. And along with that information came the idea that having a child who had some challenges meant I was not in control - in fact, had never been in control — of all that goes on around me.
I have subsequently shared my story about Malcolm in many places, including a story that still lives somewhere on the internet. I received a note recently from a woman who had read my story and taken strength from something we share.
J wrote:
I love Til Debt Do Us Part and have probably watched every episode, but my question is in fact a comment that is not about personal finances (although my husband could learn a thing or two from you!).
I have just read an article you wrote about your son Malcolm and your family’s experience with his hyperlexia. I cannot thank you enough for this article. My son Stephan is 5 and seems to fit all the criteria for hyperlexia, although we are still waiting for his developmental assessment (he has finally been seen by an SLP and is slated for some therapy this summer).
Thank you for sharing your fears, frustrations, and above all your son’s success. I can relate to almost every word and it brings genuine hope to me and my family - instead of constant fear and worry about my little guy’s future.
J’s note got me thinking. Y’all know me as The Money Girl with a pretty good idea of how to put food together. But I’m also the mother of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome. And I’m the mother of a child who is Gifted. I’ve been married three times and in my first Wifely Role was abused, so I continue to work to try to get the message out that abuse is not the fault of the abused. I’m the daughter of an alcoholic, which makes me the cheapest date in town since I’ve made the conscious decision not to drink. I’m a step-mother, a grandmother, and a friend - although I’ve been left on the earth by some people whom I loved dearly and miss like mad. Sometimes I feel lonely. Most times I feel blessed. I work hard to be happy. And I work hard to make as many other people happy as I can, not doing what they want, but being there for a hug or a kiss or an ear.
We are all many people. We’re smart about some things and not-so-smart about some others. We can help people who need what we know, and learn from people who know what we need. But we have to find each other.
It’s funny the different ways the world has of putting people together. I recently watched an inspiring video called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch, a professor at Carnegie Mellon University. Professor Pausch died of complications from pancreatic cancer this summer at the ripe young age of 47. The gist of his lecture focuses on how he achieved his childhood dreams.
This got me thinking about what my life is like relative to what I thought it would be like, and how I’ve achieved my dreams. I’m not done thinking. It’s a big question.
Too often we get caught up in what is missing from our lives, and forget to look at what we have achieved, the riches with which we are surrounded, and the beauty of every moment. Not to get too sappy, but when was the last time you thought about how WONDERFUL your life is?
Never mind that you are lonely. I’ve been lonely. You change lonely by going out and touching someone. Thanks Brownie.
Never mind that you are sad. I’ve been sad. You change sad by thinking of what you have that you can be grateful for. My beautiful children are always the first things that come to mind.
Never mind that you wish your life were different. I’ve wished my life were different, and then I’ve made it so. Not overnight. No. Big changes take both commitment and TIME. But my life has changed in remarkable ways over my 49 years, often following paths I could never have predicted.
The key, I think, is our willingness to play the hand we are dealt, but play to WIN. Randy Pausch talks about this in his lecture. It’s our willingness to look at the donut, not at the hole in the donut. And it’s in HUGE ways supported by the people with whom we choose to surround ourselves.
If you’re an alcoholic, it would be stupid to hang out with friends who always wanted to go drink their faces off. If you’re a shop-a-holic, it’s stupid to hang out with people who define themselves by their stuff. If you’re predisposed to sadness, its stupid to feed that sadness with ANYTHING – books, music, movies, people – who create sadness for you.
Randy Pausch’s lecture reminded me that I am the author of my fate, that I am responsible for making my own dreams come true, and that it’s all about attitude.
People overcome horrendous obstacles all the time. They are remarkable people. The thing is, I believe WE ARE ALL REMARKABLE PEOPLE, some of us just don’t realize it.
Today, tell someone you love just how remarkable they are. Do this every month. Find someone who is remarkable – you are surrounded by them – and TELL THEM. Find someone you can help and HELP them. Find someone who can help you and ACCEPT their help. We are nothing if we are not connected. We carry within us the spirit and experiences that would allow us to give so much to others. But like your Momma said, you have to learn to share.
What do you have to share? And who are you going to share with TODAY?
August 20th, 2008 at 8:11 am
What a great post. I came to your blog looking for a little financial ‘kick-in-the-butt’ and instead got a ray of sunshine reminding me of all that I have that is wonderful in my life. Gail, you are an inspiration to me in so many ways. I feel that you’re there on my shoulder cheering every time I avoid an unnecessary purchase, plan a budget and stick to it, or pay another chunk of my debt off. Now I’ll also have a mini Gail on my shoulder reminding me that I’ve got a great life, and get out there and help someone. Priceless ‘mother-esque’ advice. Thank YOU.
Andrea F.
Montreal, Qc.
August 20th, 2008 at 8:18 am
Gail, how did you know I needed this today?
My 2 sons have Asperger’s syndrome and I’m just gearing up to get ready for the back to school chaos that is going to hit us.
In fact your words of wisdom came at the perfect moment as I have meetings today with the schools regarding one of my boys.
I’ve always admired you and it’s nice to see parallels in my life with someone I admire so much.
My daughter (who is 7) was quoting to me the other day what she’s learned from you (she LOVES your show). That she’s learned to save money for what she wants and not to bug for things she wants (she never did that much anyways). She knows exactly what time/channel your on and never misses shows, even reruns.
Thanks Gail and keep doing what you do. You’re remarkable!
August 20th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Great post. Last year, I had a minor heart attack and it helped focus on my health. In these past few days, I have been contemplating “life” and what I want to change or accomplish. I am in the midst of reevaluating my priorities - boy have they shifted. To help focus on the important things I have been asking, if I were to leave the earth today, would I have any regrets. The only one is that I want a closer relationship with my spouse, friends and family. I have worked hard to cover my financial needs, I still have financial goals but those are for the wants and today, they aren’t too important.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Gail, you asked about when was the last time we thought about how wonderful life really is. Let me tell you about my weekend…
This weekend was the 1st annual Weekend To End Breast Cancer in Halifax, Nova Scotia. This is an event to help fund raise for a new hospital wing that will help treat breast cancer and do research. This was a huge commitment in that we had to raise a minimum of $2000 each and walk 60KM. One of my co-workers, approached me early in the year and asked me to participate with her. There were many many times I wanted to back out. The fundraising goal felt overwhelming at times, but we kept focused and we did it.
The event was a 2 day walk. It took us about 16 hours including lunch & pit-stops. It was very emotional at times. At one point, we walked with a woman who was 35 and a breast cancer survivor. She told us that she had been diagnosed at 32 when she was 7 months pregnant and had a 2 yr old as well. She had a lumpectomy right away. Then she had to wait about 6-7 weeks to start chemotherapy. The doctors induced her baby 2 weeks early so she could have a little time just being a mom before having to start the therapy. In the meantime, she was tested to see is she was a carrier of the genetic mutation associated with breast cancer. Several women in her family had breast cancer before her so she was high risk as it was. She did have the gene so she ended up have a full mastectomy and a hysterectomy. Can you imagine being 32 with 2 small children and suddenly going into full menopause? The fact that this woman is still alive - with an amazing attitude and will to live - made it all worth it. She had come to Nova Scotia from Ontario with her husband to walk in our first Weekend To End Breast Cancer. I could get over how strong this couple was. They must have such a strong and committed relationship. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her husband when she was diagnosed.
Each day there were several supporters along route thanking us and cheering us on. Some homes had small children outside with their parents giving us freezies. That was a nice treat! How wonderful of those parents to teach their children such good stewardship. It was very touching to see people directly affected by this horrible disease out there cheering us on - making it much more real to us.
Every time we felt tired, we just thought of the many women & men walking with us who had been affected by or suffered with breast cancer.
A lot of people had bad blisters and ended up with wrapped ankles or knees. We both were lucky to finish feeling pretty darn good. We changed our socks frequently and stretched a lot. Gatorade was my best friend yesterday.
Today I feel really good. My legs are tight and I feel like I danced in high heels for 4 hours - but otherwise excellent. We’re already talking about fundraising ideas for next year. We are hoping to get a bigger team together from work and setting the bar higher.
I must say the organizers were excellent. We constantly had support. People were regularly driving the route checking on us. There were medics at every pit stop. It was great!
To top it off - there were 650 walkers & volunteers. The minimum fundraising goal for walkers was $2000 and volunteers still had to raise funds too. We collectively raised 1.25 million!!
Maritimers have HUGE hearts!!
I am so greatful to have a roof over my head. Food in my cupboard. A job I love. A wonderful family and an abudance of great friends - and my health!
Thank you for sharing with us Gail. It’s nice to get to learn a little more about you and the Gail outside of the money expert.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Hi Gail, great post. It’s a nice change of pace from the usual blurbs of how to manage expenses on a short-term/long-term basis. I, and it would be fair to say we, appreciate immensely your willingness to appear “fragile” by being surprisingly open even though you would be considered a celebrity.
Not many celebs would be willing to voluntarily appear vulnerable to the public. Great work and thanks for the inspirational words.
August 20th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Melaniesd, your story brought tears to my eyes it was so wonderful. Isn’t it great to see how fantastic people really are? We are constantly bombarded with terrible news stories that paint a very grim picture for our future, but thankfully most people really are remarkable like Gail points out!
I often think about how lucky I am in my life. The other day I was asking my husband what we did to deserve such a great life. We aren’t rich or anything but we both have great jobs that we enjoy, and wonderful families to enjoy life with. Our friends are amazing as well. We are surrounded by wonderful people. My dad always said ‘we may not be rich in cash, but we are rich in everything else and that’s what’s important.’
Money doesn’t buy happiness and it is so true. I love my life, even though it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would, it turned out BETTER!
August 20th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Gail what a great post! I have a son with Aspergers and a daughter with a learning disability. The return to school is not our favorite time of year. But this post was a little pick me up for me. Thank you.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Isn’t Randy Pausch wonderful? I really like this quote from his lecture, “We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand”.
August 20th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Bravo!
One of the things I am thankful for in this world is GAIL, a well balanced, outrageous person with smarts and a willingness to give it to the whole world! Hoorah!
August 21st, 2008 at 6:08 am
Another motivational video that I’ve seen is a reminder of all that is possible.
In the video, “Remarkable Heroes”, there is a story about Rick and Dick Hoyt, a disabled son (has cerebral palsy) and father who participate in marathons together, and the achievements Rick has made so far.
If you want to see this, go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flRvsO8m_KI&e
August 21st, 2008 at 2:23 pm
Oh Gail! You’ve gone and made me cry right here at my desk at work. Need to go check if my mascara’s smudged. Lovely post and thought provoking about the all the right stuff.