Warning: Gremlins @ Work
I’ve just finished working with a couple that I LOVED! Sweet, enthusiastic, bent. So much room for improvement. The first thing I noticed when I Dropped My Bag And Had A Quick Look Around was that there wasn’t a corner of the house that didn’t have a doodad of some sort in it. I asked if this was part of her culture – if she was recreating the home she’d grown up in. Noooo. That wasn’t it. She was just a Stuff Gatherer. I pointed out that there wasn’t a corner of the house that didn’t have a little table with stuff on it, candles, or some other doohickey. She didn’t see what I saw.
Later I went into the main floor bathroom and, as I was having a pee, I noticed that in front of me, in the corner, was a set of candles – tall – just standing there in a threesome. How strange, I thought. When I glanced under the sink, there in the corner was a picture, leaning up against the wall, UNDER THE SINK. I brought my Tchotchke Queen into the bathroom. She gasped. She’d never noticed that she was filling her corners with STUFF.
Three gremlins were at work in this house. And I’m sure they inhabit many homes, so I’m sending you around your house to look for them and evict them. I’m going to deal with them one at a time so you have some time to come to terms with these gremlins if they are at work in your psyche.
First up, the I’m-the-Shopper Gremlin, which was always whispering in Lucy’s ear. Since she was responsible for keeping her house beautiful, keeping her children beautiful, keeping her husband beautiful, she was always shopping. She loved a good bargain and made a habit of hitting the Everything-60%-Off-Everyday Store every chance she got, which was usually EVERY DAY during lunch hour since there was a store right across the street from work. And she hardly ever went in without buying something. New hand towels, a shirt for her husband, clothes for her kids, a beautiful set of glasses, another picture, yet one more candle… Her family had made her responsible for the acquisition of what they needed and she was taking her role as BUYER very seriously.
Problem is, the I’m-the-Shopper Gremlin has no clue about the difference between a NEED and a WANT. It just wants to SHOP. And so, with this gremlin whispering soothing messages of love, caring and responsibility in her ear Lucy shopped.
The first thing I needed to do was bring her to her senses on what was a NEED versus what was a WANT. With some help, she had to go through rooms of her home and take out the “wants”, piling them up for me to see. More importantly, she was piling them up so she could see the crap she’d gone into debt for. What a success! Worked like a sledgehammer. So there was Lucy, surrounded by her stuff, wondering how the hell she could have been so unconscious in her shopping.
Lucy isn’t alone. There are loads of people who do this. But Lucy got the message. As I was showing off my new, snappy shoes (pink, green and yellow high-heeled sandals which I picked up for $16), she quipped, “Were they a need or a want, Gail.” Ha!
So how do you get a handle on the I’m-the-Shopper Gremlin?
Some people decide they will only shop one day of the week. You’ve seen me encourage fams to do this, since it takes away the temptation of the Impulse Buy.
Some people decide to shop with a list and only buy what’s on the list. If they see something they want, they add it to their next list.
Some people declare a moratorium on shopping, deciding to participate in Shop-Free days two or three or four days of the week. So they can’t buy ANYTHING on Shop-Free Saturday, for example.
Then there are the folks who challenge themselves to see how long they can go without buying anything. (Usually gas and food are the exceptions since they are virtually always NEEDS.) If they do shop, they have to start their counting again, and they’re always trying to beat their last best No Shopping Streak.
If you’ve got this gremlin running rampant through your life, what’s your plan to cope? Without a plan, the I’m-the-Shopper Gremlin will not only end up costing you a lot of money, it’ll also end up making you spend way more time than you should have to DUSTING! ? Boo, hiss to the I’m-the-Shopper Gremlin.
Up next, the Having-More-Means-A-Better-Life Gremlin.
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Tags: psychology of money, shopping
August 5th, 2008 at 11:47 am
You described my sister exactly! She feels she must keep everyone in her family and every surface in her home beautiful…. a lovely sentiment, but it has translated to if she sees ANYTHING beautiful (on sale) she feels she HAS to get it for her family/home even if she has 5 other pretty throw blankets or 15 pairs of cute pink sandals for her daughter, etc, etc.
Nasty cycle and now her home is CRAMMED with simply lovely things that she is in debt for and their closets are BURSTING with coordinating outfits for every season — tonnes with the tags still on!
It has gotten way past the point of reasonable and their line of credit is now so big they needed to get it secured with their house.
It’s not just sis either. The hubby feels he needs to have the biggest TV that will fit in the room, a terrific looking exotic motorcycle (with custom aftermarket parts) the best fishing equipment and a fine, shiny truck. He wants his son (who is 6) and daughter (who is 3) to have the best too. He feels they work hard and deserve the best, always. Again, it’s a lovely sentiment.
(The upsetting thing is even though they have the same goal -have the best and look good- they fight about who spends more and who is buying unneccesary stuff all the time. They hide purchases from each other… and they periodically stress heavily about the debt - the stress passes and then they buy more)
They work very hard, I know their income is very reasonable and I believe they must be thinking in gross BOTH their incomes when they shop.
AND they look so good, it is hard not to be jealous of the lovely home and life!
August 5th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Avoid stores!
When shopping for a gift, not allowed to buy stuff for self. (That one is tough.)
Remind of max 25% of net income for life: holiday money, dog money, or stuff, make a choice.
If my place does not belong on the cover of a magazine, it is a lot less stressful to do maintenance and more comfortable!
August 5th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
This describes soooo many people! I’m anti shopping gremlin @ the moment and certainly planning to stay that way!
August 5th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
I didn’t know that I had the Gremlin in my house until we were cleaning up to “show” our home. My girlfriend came over and “cleaned us up”. Aparently, she had wanted to do it for some time… Yikes!!!! Our local charity did well that afternoon!! In our case, it took someone else to shock us into the reality of all of the “stuff” that we had. In fact, we have put a moratorium on gifts from siblings (free ecards and a call are perfect!!) and have asked that donations be made on our behalf to charities instead of giving us “stuff”.
Oh and I agree with Marie - cleaning is soooo much easier without having to move the “stuff” around!!!!!
August 6th, 2008 at 3:01 am
I grew up in a home with every possible space filled with something - mostly dust collectors.
I didn’t like how it felt to live in that kind of a space and I didn’t like what it did to mom & dad’s finances.
With a family & home of my own … I’ve done pretty well avoiding all that.
Except for hubby - who can be a bit of a shopper gremlin.
Everything is a “collectible” to him.
Or it’s shiny.
Or it’s a tool that he needs.
Etc.
He likes to shop -
But … he is married to me … a girl that doesn’t like to shop!
So to make it manageable to both of our personalities, we have incorporated a no-questions-asked-spend-how-you-want/bi-monthly allowance.
I don’t judge what he does with it & he still has some freedom to shop.
This has worked pretty darn good so far …
But, since we bought the 2007 Harley Davidson motorcycle, it’s been a bit more difficult to reign him in.
There’s so many SHINY THINGS he wants to upgrade on it!!!
So that’s where he’s working on some delayed gratification … in other words saving up his spending allowance.
Geez … Boys & their Toys … does it ever end????
August 6th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I’m up to 18 days shopping only for necessities (i.e. food and ok a cheap tube of mascara which is a need if you have short fair eye lashes like mine.) It’s wonderful to come home with just a couple of bags of groceries to put away, not having to figure out where to put some other items when I don’t have the space.
When it comes down to it, most people’s needs are little - it’s our wants that are huge. My own “I’m-The-Shopper” Gremlin is being starved to death and life is much fuller for it.