Thinking Out Loud
I want to give a shout out to all the people from all over the world who come to the site and leave me lovely notes. Thank you. It makes my heart swell to know that you’re enjoying the show and that you’re learning so much. Whenever you tell me how you’re doing, it makes me feel so proud of y’all… since I can’t be there in person, you should take special pride in knowing you’re doing it without having been pinched, slapped, whacked, or made to call yourself a “dickwad”; you saw that episode, right?
I bring this up because I had a particularly hard shoot yesterday. I’m working with a couple who question EVERYTHING. I told them that they were overspending by over $2K a month. They disputed it. They disputed what the number I’d come up with for their cash. They disputed my tone, my manner, my approach. I call them my Butt family because everything I said led to them saying, “But.”
Anyway, for a single scene, we were on camera for over an hour… no break. The shooter-boys had to change tape in the midst of the roll, and John, the sound guy, had to sneak into the shot to change the batteries in my mike pak. Lordy, and it was hot.
Turns out when she did her version of the budget for me as part of her paperwork compilation, Mrs. Butt said they was spending over $2K more than they made. Hey, my number should have been no surprise then, right? As for the cash, well, she’d forgotten about the cash advances from the line of credit. And my manner: rude, aggressive, bitchy. Really? Me?
It’s interesting the people that I meet through my travels. Whether I am shooting the show or doing public speaking, I meet all sorts. Most people are lost and just looking for some direction. They want to make things better. They want to change. They just don’t know where to start.
There are always some people who buck. Like young horses not yet broke to the saddle, the idea of any kind of constraint is more than they can stand. Yes, they know they’re doing dumb things with their money. Intellectually they know they can’t keep doing it because it’s going to lead to certain disaster. But emotionally? Well, that’s a whole different story. Fact is, they don’t want to have to change. They want to keep living they way they’ve always been living: buying what they want when they want, going on vacation even if they don’t have any money saved, living without a safety-net.
When I hit those walls, it’s trying. I have to work harder to break through and show them the reality of what they are truly facing. Making major changes is more than just intellectual acceptance. It requires a huge emotional commitment. You have to want it so bad you can taste it. Sometimes I make it through the wall. Sometimes I don’t.
Most of the people I work with are ready to change by the time they call me. They’re desperate. They’ve where they need to be emotionally to make the change. Some are not. Sometimes it’s just one partner that’s not ready. But when it’s both… wow, I have my work cut out for me.
Some of you have family members or friends who you think would benefit from my help. Or your help. But they’re just not ready yet. Like alcoholics or drug abusers, these Credit Maniacs haven’t yet hit rock bottom. They can still justify the lifestyle they are living, the risks they are talking. They can’t see the harm. And you won’t be able to reach them.
I’m sorry to be the bearer or bad news, but people have to want to change. You can’t make them change. I’ve had a lot of success doing what I do because people want to change. But I’ve also had some failures. They weren’t completely committed, or they thought it would be easy. It’s never easy.
Most of my families have done very well after I’ve left them. I hear from some from time to time with updates on their lives and they’re achieving good results. Some are total converts. Some are mortified at how they appeared on camera and order us to take their shows off the air.
What you see on the show is what I got condensed into 21 minutes. It’s a tough job for editors because there’s SO MUCH MATERIAL to work with. We’re toying with the idea of a best of TDDUP or a Gail’s How To TDDUP. Let me know if you’d be interested in purchasing such a DVD.
As for when I’m going to be in your area speaking, that depends on if I get hired to do any engagements. I limit the number of days I travel beyond the show because I won’t be away from my kids more than a certain number of days a year. But I’m also expensive. And there aren’t a lot of organizations that want to talk about debt in the same way I do. Let’s face it, credit is the bread-and-butter for most financial organizations. Having a rude, aggressive, bitchy woman with a big mouth on a stage frankly scares the b’jeezus out of most people. Only the bravest are willing to stand me up in front of their clients and potential clients.
Ah well. I’m going to be on TV for a little while yet. Almost done though. Then you’ll have to be satisfied with re-runs, unless I do another show. The future is an interesting place, isn’t it?
July 9th, 2008 at 6:18 am
I think I know what you mean about people needing to be ready. I remember doing my budget where I started flubbing the numbers to make it less scary and balance where I couldn’t balance honestly.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with what you’re dealing with. You do not deserve it. Those are the episodes that always bother me. I always wonder what possesses some people to even bother contacting you.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:23 am
It’s so frustrating to watch an episode where the people don’t follow your advice or complete their tasks and then receive money (even if it’s not the full $5000). Isn’t there a way to weed these people out? If they aren’t ready to face reality, then why bother putting them on when another family is more than ready to accept your help?
Well hopefully today is a better day for you.
July 9th, 2008 at 9:05 am
Gail, I would definitely consider buying a best of Till Debt - but only if it included a 6 months afterward re-visit of the families to see how they’re doing.
July 9th, 2008 at 9:14 am
Hey Gail
Hang in there. If the difficult couple don’t get the message now, they may a year, or five from now. You just never know.. And it’s likely that you’ll have lots of viewers who see themselves in the couple and take a step towards change.
What I love about the way you do your work is that you simply hold a mirror up to people. You don’t coddle them, and even though it’s clear that you care a lot for them, you don’t let them get away with not taking responsibility. There is something quite exceptional about your approach. Though I’m not at all a TV person, I’m quite drawn to your show.
Keep up the great work!
p.s. I’d definitely be interested in a DVD capturing some of the best moments from the show that didn’t make it to air..
July 9th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Oh dear, oh dear, sorry to hear about all the trouble you’ve had with this couple Gail!
It is very frustrating to see couples like this on TDDUP - the impression I get is, they just want you to hand over the money and you to disappear very quickly. Why they even apply to be on your show when they have no intention of changing even a wee bit, just beats me. And you still give them money at the end of the show - which makes me hop up and down like a crazy woman, saying - don’t give them the cheque, don’t….give….them…. that….cheque!!!! oooooooooo you just did! {knock the wind out of my sails!}
BUT remember this Gail, for every ‘nasty’ person out there, there are hundreds of us who love you and follow your advice and have improved our lives not only financially but emotionally, mentally and physically too, by being better parents, and more active in lifestyle, cooking better meals, etc.
Keep up the fantastic work Gail, you rock lady
July 9th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Gail, I would be very interested in a “Best Of” DVD; I’m sure I’d enjoy it as much as I’m enjoying “A Woman of Independent Means”, which is super! I’m very sorry to hear you’re going through the gears right now.
Perhaps there’s some comfort in knowing that those devoted watchers of your programme — my husband and I are just two of your legion of fans — are learning with every episode. One of my favourites was the episode with the woman who told you your challenge was dumb! My husband and I often say, when we meet difficult people, “That’s a dumb challenge, Gail!” which has become shorthand in our house for someone who just doesn’t “get it.”
Keep up the good fight! Remember the old adage that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
July 9th, 2008 at 11:10 am
I’d love a DVD of the best of! When I watch the show I walk around for the next hour singing the Money Money Money theme song driving my husband nuts! If I had a DVD then I could keep quite for THAT MUCH longer.
July 9th, 2008 at 11:38 am
I’d love a DVD as well!
July 9th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Gail, the Butt family does’t realize what a valuable learning tool they have with your knowledge, help & guidance. It will be their loss. I hope they don’t spoil it for the rest of us who want to gain financial freedom through your show TDDUP.
I enjoy watching your show…I even have my own Handy Dandy Budget Binder and IT WORKS!!!! I’ve past along your website info to other family members…your interactive budget is super easy and gets the point across…you can’t spend more than you make.
I’d be very interested in a Best of DVD! Keep up the awesome work!
July 9th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I would be very interested in a DVD. What a great idea!
July 9th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Hello Gail,
When you hit the wall with some people - like the woman who loved her dog and made the planter into a watering can in her back yard, or the woman who said on camera they would go shopping with the credit card they hadn’t told you about and that they opened up after your interviews began with them, the look on your face says it all, and frankly, I wouldn’t want to be standing opposite you when you get that look. I am sure there must be a lot of editing going on. You are right though, when couples finally get what you are talking about and they rise to the challenges, it is so rewarding to see how much happier they are! You know, there are still lots of things I can learn from you. I only catch glimpses now and then of things I need to do…I believe I am a slow learner and the other day when I heard on one of your shows, one of your clients say in response to you sending them out to buy a car that they could never have afforded one before, I was right there with him saying “How did she do that!” I look forward to more of your shows!
July 9th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Leslie, I was trying to remember that phrase, ‘That’s a dumb challenge, Gail!” When I first heard it I laughed so loud and I was all alone with no one to hear her say it. I am glad you mentioned it! It still makes me smile because I am sure this woman was sincere and sometimes it reminds me of the way my brothers and sisters talk to each other although now that we are mature adults we might rephrase it differently!
July 9th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
You have never asked anyone to do anything that wouldn’t help them see the reality of their situation, and when they just don’t get it (or think they are just doing it for the show) it breaks my heart.
Episode 31 (The “That’s a dumb challenge, Gail” episode) Frank was so desperate and so not in control of Sheila spoiling of their grandaughter. That whole temper tantrum over the bins!!!! Wow, talk about missing the point! A couple tears manipulated the whole situation! YIKES! Or Episode 43 with Simone and Frank (Hey, another Frank!) Talk about high maintenance people! BLING BLING BLING and not an ounce of potential reality, it is so depressing that they REFUSED to participate in preparing for the worst! They thought they had worked HARD (I laughed at that).
Don’t get too frustrated Gail, there are too many people out there that are eager and willing to learn with each and every episode! ( A “best of TDDUP” video would be on my Christmas wish list for sure! Just be sure to have some outtakes, behind the scenes commentaries, and follow-ups with the families…. oh and a “worst of” just for good measure!)
July 9th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
You are all lovely. Thank you, g
July 9th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
I would most definitely be into purchasing a DVD from you. Sounds like a fabulous idea. Anything to do with Gail Vaz-oxlade and TDDUP…is priority for me. Your daily blogs keep me on the right track Gail, you do a wonderful job :). This was definitely your calling, and now everyone of us is benefitting from you! Thankyou !
July 9th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Hi Gail - you are so right with the ‘they have to be ready to change’ thing - it applies in all parts of life and money doesn’t get an exception
What you do can’t be easy and meeting that kind of resistance is so not fun, but the upside of counterbalancing the brick walls with the guys that do get it must be wonderful.
On another note - a DVD? Really? Truly? You bet I’d buy it! That would be wonderful!!
July 9th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
I would love a DVD, and although I try not to buy stuff, I would buy that! I think the thing to remember is that the people who watch your show regularly and read your blog really do get it, but we would make for a boring TV show. I think that we can all learn from the mistakes of people like the “Butts”.
Personally, I think the most annoying family yet was Frank and Simone. Simone was such a spoiled princess, refusing to stay even one night in an apartment building. Millions of people in Canada live in buildings just like that, and consider themselves lucky to have a place to live. She is not rich enough to be such a snob, and it made me angry.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
When I first saw the episode with that very self-indulgent couple, I was surprised that you aired it; that show was so difficult to watch. After the show I felt it was a clear indication of just how HONEST and REAL you are Gail. Another host may not want to show this couple’s clear FAILURE, but there was so much to learn from that - they clearly thought it would be a ‘walk in the park’ to make $5000 (again, trying to take the easy way out). They didn’t get it and they never will, they clearly disrespected their families, their money earning power and respect for each other. As mentioned you have had a couple more episodes with LAZY, Entitled people but it really is clear how they got in the mess, and how they may never get out of it !
You elude to an end to your show - say it isn’t so! How about a show similar to Suze *****, you could be Suze North - but I like to think of her as Gail South!! I Love, Love, Love your show and watch the reruns, all the time, so yes I would buy the DVD too.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a DVD. A “best of” and/or a “how to” would be AMAZING! We love your show and we use so many of your strategies! When my kids hear the theme one grabs hhis guitar and plays along and the other turns around and says “Mommy is watching the money show again”! Keep up the AWESOME work!
July 9th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
You have to want it. You don’t know if you want it until you have to go through the steps.
Working hard is relative to previous experience. What is harder short-term is that Gail works on the relationship as well (make money look easy). The realization of the value of the significant other is never overlooked.
I always wondered how many hope that Gail will say: “You are right to spend as you do. You have no other choice.” I don’t think it’s going to happen! If your old method does not work, here is a different one to try!
It is good to see that not every one makes, it gives a more complete perspective of getting out of debt.
Good luck Gail! Teaching is hard!
July 10th, 2008 at 1:35 am
pleaassee do not end your show!!! Suze … does not hold a candle to you. Your show is down to earth and a no nonsense approach. That is what we all need!! You make sense and are easy to understand. Thanks for helping all of us who are trying hard to keep our finances in order!:)
July 10th, 2008 at 3:22 am
Although only the first two series have been broadcast here, the two “Frank” couples were in those series. I agree, it’s difficult to watch these kinds of couples. How does Gail keep her cool? I would want to slap and shake them so hard for squandering one of life’s greatest lessons.
But the “Frank” couples and those like them offer us a useful lesson - what not to do and how not to be.
And a BIG yes to the DVD!
July 10th, 2008 at 7:18 am
I love when the families challenge you, Gail. I think that’s when you get to do your best work. - M.A.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:28 am
I agree with Tamlynn - Your no nonsense approach to finances is what we all need . You make sense and it’s easy to understand what you are saying - for those who want to hear it. Even my 13 year old “gets it”. When we are having a family discussion about money matters he will say “would Gail approve?”
I would like a DVD but it would go on my Xmas list since I try not to buy stuff that are wants not needs.
Keep up the good work Gail. The Butt families might not “get” it but lots of us do and we benefit from watching your show and reading your blogs.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I recently moved to a new apartment and don’t pay for the extra channels. That means no slice, and no you, Gail, except when I visit my boyfriend on weekends, where I pretty much monopolize the remote in hopes of finding TDDUP on BBC or Slice. So a DVD would be a great thing for me!
July 10th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
so when this difficult couple airs is when i think the magic starts. you may reach one family by working with them directly, but how many families watch the show and learn a lesson by their errors and make a change because of watching that particular struggle, whether they fail or not.
not trying for the locker room pep talk, but even if they flop miserably, your job is still done by the lesson learned by all the viewers, which in a sense, is much bigger than just one family.
unfortunately you never get any validation or gratification for they people help in directly, unless a family contacts you to tell them, but rest assured they are out there and they are changing.
so are we.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Gail, I LOVE your show and watch re-runs all the time. I watch almost no TV but your show I do. I love that you are aggressive and bitchy. These people need to be hit over the head sometimes and you do it so well.
I was appalled by those grandparents who were raising their granddaughter and just didn’t get it. People such as these frustrate me as they should not apply for the show if they are not serious about changing. At then end when she said they had just gotten new credit card, I wanted to reach through the TV and smack her upside the head.
I’m sure you have helped hundreds of thousands of viewers who watch your show, as I know you have helped me.
Thank you for all you do.
July 10th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Oh and P.S. I would buy the DVD. I’d budget for it of course, but I’d buy it!!
July 12th, 2008 at 8:51 am
Gail I don’t know how you do it, I would think these people would have their hands up in the air and say “Gail we’ll do whatever you want” you are literally saving them from peril. For everyone person who gives you grief, remember your probably helping over 1000 viewers take charge of their money!
Thank you!
July 13th, 2008 at 5:36 am
Please don’t give up the show!! It gives me a reminder of Canada here in England!! If you do,could they release it on DVD??
July 15th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
I would love a DVD, and another for my Mom too, who is very frugal.
I feel for those couples that don’t succed, and for those that do. I have been trying to put together a budget, and really, it’s not hard, it’s PAINFUL. It costs me so much to work, both time and money, that I overspend in other areas and it drives me crazy. Budgeting will help, but the process is a real drag.
PS I watch the show online & I have shown the “purses=education fund” scene of Frank & Simone to my friends.
July 19th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I would buy the DVD the second it came out! I’m interested in all the episodes and seasons on DVD, not just a best of. I love the show so much, but don’t often get to see it because I cancelled my cable. The cable company jacked the rates to $48, and I only like two shows, so I cancelled. I can buy those shows on DVD and still come out ahead!
Please please put out a DVD wil all the episodes!
July 21st, 2008 at 10:55 am
OK sign me up. I want the dvd! actually i was going to see if i could purchase all of the shows but as i live in oz didnt want to get my hopes up.
I feel so great that it isnt just me that thinks those ungrateful people!!I guess the old saying is true.. always a bad apple in the bunch but you wouldn’t consider not eating another…
KEEP up the great work.
LOVE YOU!
tams the canadian living in australia that really really really wants you to come out here! xoxoxo