Mantras
Alex has been having a tough time at school recently. The schoolwork part is okay – I hope, I pray, I cross my fingers – no, it’s the “social” part. There’s been a huge kafuffle and the group she hangs with is splintering. It’s tough to watch from the outside. It must be crap to live through. Anyway, as I woke her up I used the mantra I’ve been using with her since she was just a smudge:
My brave, strong girl
My wise and sensible girl,
My kind and gentle girl,
My happy, smiling girl.
She smiled up at me and said, “It worked, Mama.” Yes it did.
So I got to thinking about mantras and the role they can play in my life. I believe in them very strongly mostly because I know our brains believe what our ears hear. So by repeating a positive mantra I’m creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Too often we repeat negative things to ourselves, creating a reality that makes living harder. We focus on what we’ve done wrong, on what our mates have done wrong, on what our children have done wrong. We focus on the asshole who cut us off, stole our idea, made us feel small and insignificant. We live in anger. We live in fear.
It’s a hard way to live.
Years ago I read a book (this has happened more than once) that changed my life. It was called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It was all about how the tapes we recorded as a child continue to replay in our consciousness and sub-consciousness, limiting our achievement by filling us with destructive emotions. I decided then that I would not let my history be my future. And I’ve worked hard to feel the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes I’ve cried as I’ve pushed myself forward. Sometimes I’ve puked. But I’ve moved. I haven’t allowed fear to stop me.
I’ve used mantras along the way. I use them to remind myself to breathe. I use them to move out of anger. One of my most recent is, “I am the stone in the river,” which brings the picture to mind that helps to quell my rising bile. It works. I probably have a dozen that I use regularly. And the one I’m using with Alex right now is this:
Where you are today is not where you’re going to be tomorrow.
That’s right. If you’re in a good place, you better say thank you and take the time to enjoy your place since in the circle of life crap is around the corner. And if you’re in a bad place, breathe and remember tomorrow is another day. This way over-simplifies what this mantra does for me. There is depth and texture, meaning and strength in these words. They work for me. They work for Alex too.
I wonder what you’d like to achieve for yourself, and what mantra you would use to make your dream a reality. I wonder how you would help yourself reach a goal by telling yourself in a most positive way what you want to achieve.
Think about it. What thoughts do you have that are destructive, and what positive mantra could you replace those thoughts with to move forward to a place you want to be.
If you’ve never tried using a mantra before, try it. You might like it.
TTFN
June 7th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Gail,
I also read ‘Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway’ book a few years back. This book was recommended to me by someone much wiser than me when I was considering a career change & concerned at the thought of trying something new & different. I love the idea from the book where ‘If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you have to fear?’ Absolutely nothing. I try to embrace fear now to help move me towards goals versus paralyzing me from moving ahead.
This mind set has helped me enter into the housing market as a single income, make the career change (with risk) that I wavered on, and has also helped me through a company restructure which left me displaced from the career change I made. But I’ll be ok, as part of the career change was also having a contingency plan.
It’s not always easy, but keeping my mantra of ‘What’s the worse thing that could happen?’ when a flock of butterflies are kicking up a storm in my stomach, helps me move forward with no regrets.
If it doesn’t matter to you, then there would be no fear.
June 7th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
I am a strong believer in “Life is what you make it”. Think negatively and you will live negatively, but if you think of the positive spin, find the things to be thankful for, it is amazing how “lucky” you become. (Of course clinical depression can make that very difficult without help). Honestly though, the silver lining is ALWAYS there, and there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for to focus on to get through the rough spots!
I am not talking rose-coloured-glasses either. You can’t ignore your problems with a happy outlook, that contributes to serious debt! LOL
BUT with a positive, sensible outlook though, your fears can be smaller and manageable. A Mantra can be a powerful thing…..
“ENOUGH” is my personal favourite. It is written in pretty script on a lovely sheet of paper and wrapped around my one credit card. In that one simple word I think of how I am already blessed with more than ENOUGH stuff, and quite simply do I have ENOUGH money to cover the purchase! A simple word, easy to remember, easy to see that reminds me I ENOUGH without whatever it is that is tempting my credit card out of the wallet. As soon as I see that pretty slip of paper, I get calmer.
Mantras are powerful!
June 7th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
Something good will come out of this… I don’t know what it is but something good has to come out of this!
June 7th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
i also like ‘what’s the worst that could happen’, but i use it as a thought provoking exercise thing. not just a flippant ‘hey, what’s the worst that could happen’ as if nothing bad would happen. generally when i ask myself what really is the worst case scenario, it’s usually not as bad as i feel it could be. it generally means i lose a ‘thing’ or have to work harder or change my attitude, neither of those things are all that bad.
it’s not really a mantra but balancing risk/benefit equations and facing and accepting the worst outcome as ok or not ok helps keep things in perspective for me.
June 8th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Kristin,
I agree with you. With my mantra of what’s the worse that could happen, I actually answer that question. Then decide if it’s worth the risk. Or determine how I can minimize the risk or plan for the worse. I think about a number of things I would have missed out on had I immediately closed the door because of fear of the unknown or holding myself back because of self-imposed limitations. It’s a great way of putting yourself in a place of empowerment.
June 9th, 2008 at 8:04 am
You all are sooo amazing! Your blog just sent my ‘mind wheels’ turning Gail.
I’m unemployed right now. I worked for 2 different comapnies, one after another, and both had female bosses from hell. I LOVED the jobs, but the hell these women put the workers through was too much for some of us and we left. In one job, I was forced to do a job that left me with a physical injury. Nothing came out of that - instead I was called all sorts of names.
Today, I’m seriously afraid to work for a female - the moment I apply for a job and I find out there is a female in the chain of command - I’m out of there so fast, it’s not even funny.
You all have given me the power to go right back into the work force, stop being so fearful and keep on going!
And I’ve always been sooo afraid to drive - gosh I break into hives if I ever sit behind the wheel of a car just to feel what it’s like {this is my husband’s idea!}.
I’m going to tackle both these issues with these mantras playing in my head - ‘What’s the worse that could happen’?? and ‘I can do it, I can do it, I CAN do it’!!!! YES, I CAN!
Thanks guys!
June 9th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
I often use “Can anyone die from this?” especially at work when we do make mistakes and need forgiveness either for ourselves or for others. The answer is usually a really profound ‘NO!’ and it sends me down the path I need to go on. Another I often use is “This is the day the Lord hath made, rejoice and be glad in it” for those moments when I find life so precious and full of joy or I need a ‘pick-me-up’!. As well, my mother gave me the book called “Tough times don’t last, but tough people do” by Robert Schuller and I use it especially when my friends can’t see the end of the tunnel! It also reaffirms that whatever I am going through won’t last and that I will survive! Oh, and finally, Helen Reddy’s song, “I am woman, I am strong! works too!
June 10th, 2008 at 9:15 am
One thing I’ve started doing at work is that every day, I have a pop-up reminder that makes me ask myself “what am I greatful for today?” And I keep a list. I read it through, and add one more item, everyday. It can be as simple as “I am greatful that I have enough money in my purse to buy myself a Latte” (a little treat I’ve grown to love!). Ever since I watched “the Pursuit of Happyness”, and whenever I look at my financial situation and start to panic and worry, I remember that man’s story and am greatful that I still have so much abundance in my life.
The other thing I do, at work, when someone seems to work hard to make me feel bad or bring me down, I stop, breathe, and tell myself “it’s ok. I am leaving soon for a better job that will make me happy” and somehow, I feel better (sometimes I have to repeat it 2 or 3 or 5 times but it works!). I remember that only I can choose my attitude towards a situation and then, those people don’t seem so bad anymore.
June 15th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Inspired by you, as always, I created my own Mantra for getting out of debt.
“I cannot live beyond my means
I am in debt now, but I will not be in debt forever
The light at the end of the tunnel is bright
The light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter every day
I cannot afford things that I cannot afford
Credit is not income
I can get out of debt
I will get out of debt
I can accept that I cannot afford the things I cannot afford
I do accept that I cannot afford the things I cannot afford
I will not live beyond my means”
And I posted it on my blog. I’d love it if you could take a look over my blog if you have a chance. I just started it, but it’s essentially about my journey to debt freedom. I’ve just come up with a solid plan and I reference you, in fact, I have a AWGS short term already for “As Gail Would Say”.
The Mantra is an amazing idea. We use these things all the time. “Buy now, pay later” so on and so forth, and they become our habits, but I honestly never thought of using something like advertising and repetition to help me keep my goals of getting debtless. Thanks.
June 15th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Thanks Amanda. What a great idea. I just checked you blog and would love to follow your progress. I am also trying to get out of debt. Maybe I need a blog as well to keep me on track! Good luck to you.
June 15th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Amanda:
Interesting website!
I like the “yeah right” others give to your plan. Give them an update on your lower debt in 6 months!
The following comes from a book by Anne McCaffrey:
“Who wills,
Can.
Who tries,
Does.
Who loves,
Lives.”
I think it is a good summary of what Gails teaches.