Comments on: Wedding Mania

By: Mountain Girl

Mountain Girl — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 16:09:28 +0000

For me, weddings have become like Xmas - you have to fight hard to get through all the disgusting consumerism and pageantry to find any meaning in them for yourself.
When I got married last year, I was shocked by the amount of pressure people in the wedding industry tried to put on me to buy ridiculous, excessive things that I didn’t want or need, but that “tradition” said I had to have.
The best thing my husband and I did was question every single such “tradition” and ask ourselves if it had any relevance or meaning to US at all.
If we found that it did, we then subjected it to both budgetary and ecological footprint scrutiny. Our ethics around treading lightly on the planet meant that we bought minimal flowers from a local farmer who grew organic, native wildflowers just outside of town, and had our wedding in a beautiful garden. Nature did all the work - I just posed against her backdrop and took the credit!
This also meant that we spent peanuts on a what is normally a very expensive item.
Instead of favours, we made a charitable donation in honour of our guests. Seriously, who actually eats Jordan almonds, anyway?
And so on and so forth.
Our guests repeatedly told us that our wedding was the most genuine and fun wedding that they’d been to in years - because it was an honest reflection of who we were, without masses of frills and excess.
And one more thing that I’m really proud of?
We saved up like crazy and paid for the whole bloody thing up front! No wedding debt for us!

By: Cathie

Cathie — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 02:58:46 +0000

We were married 2 1/2 years ago, and the day was perfect for us.

I had a then 7 yr old, and so instead of a fancy reception centre, we books a local community centre. We went to the local op shops, and bought net curtains, and used them to create a “tentlike” feel, and the upside was, as many of our guests had young children, we could use the children’s room. We contacted the local university/tafe college, and found hospitality students, and an almost qualified child care work, and they agreed to work for a discounted rate in return for a reference if their work was up to scratch. It absolutely was.

We booked a local botanic garden, one of our friends is a Celebrant and she gave us her time as a gift. She also knew us both very well, so it was very personal. We wrote out own ceremony completely (easier than it sounds) My wife works in a secondary school, so she hired the school string quartet. As they were all students, very economical. Gorgeous.

The one thing we couldn’t scrimp on was food, we had 7 coeliac’s, 3 vegetarians, 3 lactose intolerances, 2 with fructose malabsorption, and I have about 6 family members who are just plain fussy!!!!!! However we had “butlered service” literally wait staff who walk around with finger food on trays, and napkins! Perfect people took as much as they wanted/needed. We made a gluten free-lactose free, etc etc mud cake, which my crafty cousins wife decorected for us in out themed colours of purple, red, and dark green.

My wife had two friends who were florists, (one owned a shop) and they got together, and split the flowers between them. They were their gifts to us. Gorgeous. Instead of a throwing bouquet, we had circlets in our hair, and we both frisbeed them!!!!!!!!!!!!

We had a candle ceremony, and made our own family candles, which was something we could include our daughter in.

We also contacted (again through Uni’s/tafes) a soon to be qualified graphic designer and fashion designer. Our outfits, and invites looked magnificent. And I can say I knew them both when!!!!!

Our photos I was very lucky. I worked for a website design company, and our Head of Creative was a photographer, and he gave us his time, as a freebie. We also borrowed cars from people we knew who had lovely cars, and turned up in a style suited to each of our personalities. I in a 1923 rolls, free of charge, and my wife in a 1 1/2 year old top of the line Monaro!!!!!!!!

I raided my wine collection (I had been a member of a wine club for years, and it was just building up) so we used that for alcohol, and only had to supply some soft drink, which we bought. My parents gave us several bottle of champagne for toasts.

All in all it was a memorable day, it poured rain, we were drenched, my $300 hair style was ruined, but we both looked beautiful, and total spend less than $5k. Not bad for two hundred guests. At least we like to think so.

By: Laura

Laura — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:53:02 +0000

I really enjoyed reading your post, actually I enjoy reading all of your posts! I just wanted to add for any new soon-to-be-brides that I was able to have my dream wedding at a fraction of the cost even that you’re offering as reasonable. We hired a budget wedding planner, who promised to throw our wedding for $6000. After dress and tuxes and a few other unexpecteds it was closer o $8000. Food and drink for 130 people with all of the wanted trimmings!! I’m not sure if I can post her name and website, so I will encourage any brides to just search for budget wedding/bride services and Good Luck.

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Wed, 21 May 2008 20:11:34 +0000

I got married in November and my wedding was absolutely everything I had ever dreamed of. Well come to think of it, I never was one of those girls who dreamt of what their wedding would be like, but while planning it I had a vision in my head and it turned out PERFECT!
I absolutely loved planning my wedding, I pretty much did it all myself with a little help from my parents and my now husband of course. On the financial side of things I was really lucky to have my parents give me my wedding as a gift. Basically what they did is they said they would pay for everything up front but a few months/weeks before the wedding my now husband and I had to pay them back for half, so thats what they did and my parents actually took the money we gave them and put it in a high interest savings account that they have now given back to us to be added to our down payment on our house. I am truely blessed with an amazing family and that’s what I wanted my wedding to be about, my family. Lucky for me my mother isn’t very overbearing (she never has been) so even though she paid for the whole thing she didn’t insist on making too many decisions, and thank god my mom and I share the same tastes when it comes to colors!
There were quite a few ways that I saved money for my wedding. I loved planning the whole thing and wanted to be involved in absolutely everything so I made my own invitations using scrapbook paper and my printer.
I bought the flowers for my centerpieces from coscto. What a savings thats was! I ordered the most amazing burgundy roses and they only charged us 17.99 per 2 dozen!!
I rented simple square vases and made sure to have someone keep an eye on them during the reception so none went missing (some people did try and walk off with them though haha).
Unfortunately my dream venues for the wedding just were not in the budget (even though my father did say he would pay for whatever I wanted I just couldn’t live with myself if I took advantage of his generous nature! I was determined to find the same feel but for cheap!). I am lucky enough to live in a city that has a wonderful heritage theme park with an old replica hotel that fit into my timeless theme. The food was amazing and was a fantastic price, plus no room rental! The park was closed for the season so my guests could walk around if they wanted and it was such a fun venue because you are esentially in a replica early 1900s village. It fit my husband and I perfectly.
Also having the reception in a place that already has a lot of character leads to much less decorating. All I did was place roses in vases on the table, and I was done. It also helped that the park had decorated for christmas and their decorations matched my burgundy/black/gold theme perfectly (I’m sure the event planner was shocked to find out I wasn’t going to have a bridezilla moment when she called in a panic the day before the wedding explaining how they decorated without her knowledge and there wasn’t enough time to take it all down).
Another thing that saved us money is that my mother in-law manages a liquor store, so she wanted to contribute all the liquor for us (we just paid a small corkage fee and brought in our own liquor). So she was able to pay cost for all the liquor and she ended up giving it to us as a gift.
My husbands family is extremly artsy so we had his aunt and uncle work on a wonderful slideshow for us as our gift. I am still amazed at the amount of work they put into it and how amazing it was.
There was one thing that I spent an allarming amount of money on and that was the photographers. I had discovered a boutique husband and wife photographer team while helping plan a girlfriends wedding and I knew the moment I looked that their website that they were going to do my wedding no matter the cost. I would have even got a second job just to pay for it if I had to. I would say I spent just under $7000 for photographs but I have never once regretted that decisions. I am in love with my photos and wouldn’t change a think. Thankfully my parents agree with me. All in all the wedding when totalled up cost just shy of $20,000 which is a lot, yes, but we did have 130 guests and had I been more frugal with the photography it would have cost much less. But I am so happy with how things turned out and wouldn’t have changed a thing!

By: Jean L

Jean L — Wed, 21 May 2008 06:38:57 +0000

Tracy J, I think you nailed it on the head. It doesn’t have to be perfect - weddings aren’t about perfection, they are about the promise of a lifetime of love with its ups and downs. I find myself more upset when I expect things to be perfect and they aren’t, versus the days I just let things be.

By: Tracy J

Tracy J — Wed, 21 May 2008 02:20:47 +0000

My hubby and I got married almost 14 years ago. I was fresh out of college and we were both too cheap to get the “high-end” wedding. So I delegated - delegated - delegated. Home-made flower arrangements, do-it-yourself decorating, second hand dress, and a dozen disposable cameras for the guests (the 4 year-old took terrific shots). I got my Mary Kay consultant to do my (and my bridesmaid’s) make up, by promising a part later, and we did our own hair. We rented an event tent and chairs to have the ceremony in a friend’s large yard, got a bargain reception by trading some of my graphic design skills for use of a restaurant, and my mom paid for the food.
We only had to put a couple hundred dollars on the credit card for the renting of tuxes and the limo to the wedding party to the reception (I bet we could have traded mechanical work for the limo if we had tried….) Then the outstanding was paid with the cash wedding presents from out-of-town family that couldn’t make it.
It poured rain for the outdoor ceremony, but the whole thing was so much fun! And I think because it was really a personal thing that everyone had pitched in to help, it took some of the stress for perfection away. It didn’t have to be perfect! So long as me and my man were legally wed at the end of the day, that was the goal!!!!

By: Jo

Jo — Tue, 20 May 2008 18:31:46 +0000

Wow.. what a bunch of wonderful women you are. Sounds like you had fabulous weddings without waste or bravado.. You’ve inspired this single gal

By: kristin

kristin — Tue, 20 May 2008 15:58:52 +0000

we had an outdoor BBQ at a beautiful B&B with salads and other yummies. gorgeous gardens. 99 acres of nature, rivers, water falls etc. very non-traditional. we ended up having to rent a couple tents as the weather was not looking good. it was informal. we didn’t have a wedding party, we didn’t have all the cash grab parties prior. we just had friends, families, their kids and fun in our own way. no flowers (hello, outside), no invites that would be thrown out in a week (hello, evite!). nothing unnecessary.
a hurricane hit which was unfortunate and ended the party a bit early :), but it was ours and cheap. we were more interested in spending money on our life, not our day.
really, if people spent as much time, effort and money on their marriage as they do preparing for their wedding day, I wonder how relationships in general would turn out for Canadians.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:47:29 +0000

I’ve never understood the need for a big, flashy wedding that no one can afford, and I agree with some of the previous comments that often it’s about what the parents want, and how THEY look to their friends and relatives.

I also don’t agree with parent’s paying for a wedding when a couple has lived together for a period of time. It’s the 21st Century for heaven’s sake, and we are not young virgins going from our parents’ home to our husband, we are usually fairly well-established and somewhat independent prior to marriage now. If a couple is old enough to live together, they should be mature enough to plan and pay for their own wedding.

Given the divorce rate these days, spending thousands or tens of thousands on a wedding is, in my opinion, one of the most foolish ways their is to waste money. If parents are so gung-ho on paying for a wedding, perhaps tradition should change and if the marriage lasts 10 years they can pay for a big 10th anniversary celebration party, and brag to their friends that their kid was able to stay married!

By: Shelley Benson

Shelley Benson — Tue, 20 May 2008 12:21:04 +0000

Wedding planning was a hard one for me. I was married last September and wanted a classic small wedding but my mother did not - and she was paying for it. So when it came down to what I wanted versus what she wanted I always got the money waved in front of my face. If she couldn’t invite every person she ever knew or pick the flowers or have the last say in almost every decision - then she wasn’t paying for anything. It was a very hard situation for me to be in - but at the end of the day, I won some battles and lost others. The day was still fabulous and luckily for us, my parents were able to relieve us from the financial burden after the fact - but it was hard to swallow during the 4 month planning stage. Yes 4 months - cuz if I was going to get married, Mom decided that it had to happen quickly before I turned 30 - hence our inability to save some money to finance it ourselves. Rock & and hard place….thank goodness that is over!