Wedding Mania
Wedding season is around the corner. Girls are going to be strutting their stuff in dresses that cost a bagful of money, and boys are going to wonder what all the fuss is about. The equivalent of a home downpayment will be spent on flowers, food, booze, and myriad other must-haves for the Big Day. Some people will spend DAYS getting married, hosting family and friends, and maxing out their credit.
Natasha, who does my makeup on the show, also does weddings and is looking forward to a banner season. Since we’re shooting on Tuesdays and Wednesdays this year, she’s free Fridays (Friday is the new Saturday) to make up all the brides and bridesmaids who need her skillful touch. And some won’t be satisfied with having her do the deed on the day; they’ll want a dry-run to make sure they’re happy. Money’s no object.
If there’s one theme running through the stories of the newly weds I’ve worked with it’s that a wedding that takes FOREVER to pay off is dumb. People will do the darndest things on their wedding days, or in the month’s running up to it. I worked with one woman who spent far more than she could afford just to prove to her much-despised family that she’d made it. Hmmm. Great way to start a new life with your partner, huh? Another couple I worked with had to invite half of Europe to keep the parents happy. But the parents weren’t kicking in to have all the family and friends flown in. Whazzup with that? Whose day is this anyway?
When you’ve been married as often as I have, you not only get good at wedding planning, you’re pretty determined to do it just the way you want. When I married my keeper-husband, Ken, we created our own vows and we were married in a park. It rained, an auspicious sign I was told. Convention was nowhere in sight.
Whether you’re getting married for the first time, or you’re jumping into the breach yet again, you’ll want the perfect wedding. But perfect doesn’t have to be expensive. It just has to be fabulous. So why are people prepared to take on gobs of debt to have a party that meets a bunch of other people’s expectations?
Your extraordinarily happy day doesn’t have to be the most expensive day of your life. Perfection comes at a price - not only financially but emotionally. You only have to take a gander at some of the Brides-Gone-Berserk TV shows to see just how off the rails you can go.
The first step to making your wedding work is to set some realistic expectations for what you want from your special day. You and your better-half-to-be should talk about what’s most important to you and your families. The next, and equally important, step is to establish a spending plan within which you will work. These two steps are closely tied together. What you want from your wedding will set the tone for how much you spend. And how much you have to spend should guide you in setting some realistic expectations. Making your dream wedding a reality shouldn’t mean digging a debt hole that will strain your new marriage; far better to eliminate some of the less important things. With a little creativity and some legwork you can make the day memorable in the most charming ways without a hangover of unmanageable bills.
If you invite the world and his uncle to your wedding, you’re going to be on the hook to attend a b’zillion weddings (and buy presents) when your friends and family reciprocate and invite you in return. I’ve just worked with a couple that, in the first year of their marriage, went to seven weddings. She was very embarrassed as she told about writing out a gift-card that included a cheque she knew would bounce. Wow! Why would people do that to themselves?
Everyone wants a visual record of this special day. But photographs or video can cost a small fortune: $1,200 to $5,000. If that’s out of your budget, get creative. Provide your guests with disposable cameras. Everyone taking pictures of everyone else having a fabulous time will create a memorable record of the event. If you have a friend who is especially good with a camera, request her services as a wedding gift.
Spend $350 on a limo, or hitch a ride with mom and dad. Spend $500 - $1,000 on a wedding dress, or let a friend or relative make it for you. Better yet, go retro and borrow a dress from a girlfriend, aunt or your mom. There now, you’ve taken care of the “borrowed” category (as in something old, new, borrowed, blue.)
Choose seasonal flowers rather than imported or green house flowers in your bouquets and centrepieces. Flowers that are not in season send costs up, up, up. Use your bride’s maid’s bouquets to adorn the head table and use the aisle flower arrangements from the ceremony as table centerpieces at the reception.
The reception is another good place to cut costs. For a small gathering of 30 people or so, have your reception at a restaurant - just don’t book it as a wedding reception. Reconsider the time at which you’re having your reception. A lunch, afternoon tea, finger-foods in the early evening or desert table will be far less expensive than the hip-of-beef-approach. You don’t have to offer every alcoholic beverage available under the sun. Stay away from mixed drinks. Go with a couple of wines (one white, one red) and a couple of beers (one domestic, one imported) and you’ll save tons.
While this last tip might not save you any money, it may save your sanity. Be ready to delegate jobs when people ask, “What can I do to help?” Write every job that needs to be done on index cards. Then when people asked what they can do, give them a card. Also consider naming a friend as your Wedding Director. On the big day, any questions, problems or complaints should go to the Director so you’re free to enjoy your wedding.
Review your spending plan frequently to keep yourself on budget. Here’s a simple budget worksheet that’ll show you the average spent, which you can use to manage your expenses.
It’s really easy to let enthusiasm spiral into huge costs. But with a little creativity and a willingness to do it yourself, at least in some areas, you can have the wedding day you’ve always dreamed of without having to promise away your first born.
May 19th, 2008 at 9:30 am
This is a great post Gail!
When my husband and I were married in 2006 we had just the wedding you described. We had already lived together for 6 years and felt no need to put on a big show. We had 30 guests - dinner at a restaurant. My dress (a white prom dress) was bought at the Sears Outlet store…for $20!!!! My husband did get a new suit, but that can be re-worn for years.
Total cost - including an hour with a professional photographer, dinner, wedding bands and beautiful flowers - $2500!!!
May 19th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I remember going to a wedding which had a small budget. My gift, organize the music. Cheap for the newlyweds, cheap for me. Weddings used to be an opportunity for a community to get together and organize a party. I don’t when and where that went away.
May 19th, 2008 at 2:18 pm
A high school friend of mine got married last year. She married her now husband in a friend’s backyard, with a BBQ reception afterwards. There were about 50 people invited to the happy event. My friend’s mom was angry that they didn’t have a big traditional Chinese wedding and invited some 100 “relatives” from oversea into it! And accused my friend of not saving her parents’ “face”. But my friend told her parents that if those so-called “relatives” had a problem with not inviting into her wedding, it would be those people’s problem, not hers. I like my friend’s answer!
Sometimes, I see that weddings are more about the bride and groom’s parents, rather than the bride and groom themselves. Often, those wedding’s budget are out of control. Either the bride and groom try to please their parents by spending too much, or the parents of the newlywed couples spend away their retirement saving. Is there really worth it?
May 19th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
The first time we celebrated our vows, I planned it over a week’s lunch hours to coincide with a Christmas party we were having. We got married, with four friends as witnesses, had brunch, and then had a potluck party later in the evening. It was very low key and frugal.
To celebrate our 10 years, the two of us renewed our vows in Cuba, with an amazing two week trip and a renewal ceremony. We went all out for that and are still paying for it.
Having paid for our own wedding both times, and almost finished paying our student loans, we know we could have done things a lot differently, but we have very few regrets and many happy memories.
May 19th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
When my husband & I got married in 2003 we were able to have the whole event without going into any debt. Thankfully friends and family helped. We had 200 guests.
My mom made my dress.
The in-laws hired the DJ.
My dad paid for the hall.
An uncle provided his car as the wedding car.
My best friend is a wedding photographer. What a fantastic gift! (Yes I’m a lucky girl!)
My maid of honour provided the invitations. She made them on her computer for us. They were beautiful on simple stationary with butterflies all over it and the envelopes.
I made the bouquets from artificial flowers ( If you are choosy you’d never know they were not real).
My aunt & uncle provided the wine for toasting as a gift.
We had a cash bar at the reception, which is not uncommon where I live. Our reception was at the local Legion so it was central for people to get home and drinks are inexpensive.
My mom and an aunt decorated the hall beautifuly with white lights and lovely arrangements.
We had a cold buffet for our meal. The day before the wedding several of us got together and prepared all the salads, meat trays and desserts. It turned out great!
We were very lucky to have so much help. It only cost us about $1300 out of our pocket. I think what was a big saver for us was that I didn’t get hung up on a “theme” or special colours. My bridesmaids work simple dark navy blue velvet dresses that I bought on sale after New Years for $20 each! I wanted them to have something they could wear again.
The men rented tuxedos.
In the end everything really did go perfectly. Everyone had a great time and still talk about how much they enjoyed our wedding because it was relaxed and enjoyable.
We didn’t go on a tradional honeymoon. We just went to the South Shore of our province and stayed at a B&B for 2 nights. We had a nice room with a whirlpool tub. Lovely meals and we got to go out on the Bluenose II in Lunenburg Harbour. That was a cool experience!
I have also had the pleasure of standing for 4 of my girlfriends. They all had unconventional weddings.
-one had a simple family wedding on her mother’s back deck with the justice of the peace. Her brother played guitar while she came up the deck to her groom. Then we all had a lovely turkey dinner.
-one married at City Hall then we went for a lovely lunch at a higher end restaurant. It was so nice and sweet. The day was truly about them & their union rather than the “swag”.
-One actually won a contest and was married inside a Superstore. The wedding was in the community room. The store provided decorations, a baby grand piano, fruit & veggie trays and sweets for after. They were able to have 20 guests. They also were provided with 2 nights at a hotel and a limo. Because they were lucky enough to win this wedding package, they had a reception at a restaurant where to reserved a section and shared a nice meal with their guests. They are not dances so there was no dance after but still a really neat day!
-The other charted a boat. They had a friend’s band play on the boat and provided finger foods, and had a cash bar. We toured the harbour for 2 hours and then went to a local establishment to dance. It was alittle costly to charter the boat, but much less than a big reception.
If I could do it again, (I loved our day but would have also enjoyed a smaller wedding) I would have liked to have had a candle light wedding in a small church and then a party at a larger house with wine, and finger foods. Something with our close friends and relatives.
Okay - I’ll shut up now!
May 20th, 2008 at 5:33 am
I don’t understand couples who are unable to say no to their parents’ demands to invite every family member and everyone they know. It’s not a union of two people in love; it’s a show - a flashy show of beating all the other Joneses in town!
A friend put her foot down over the massive invitation list and her mother decided the best thing to do was to completely take over the wedding. She even took out a bank loan to pay for the wedding - the one to compensate her for the wedding she wanted years ago but couldn’t afford. Well she couldn’t afford it for her daughter either! The tenor of the loan lasted longer than the marriage. But at least the mother of the bride had HER big day! LOL
May 20th, 2008 at 8:21 am
Wedding planning was a hard one for me. I was married last September and wanted a classic small wedding but my mother did not - and she was paying for it. So when it came down to what I wanted versus what she wanted I always got the money waved in front of my face. If she couldn’t invite every person she ever knew or pick the flowers or have the last say in almost every decision - then she wasn’t paying for anything. It was a very hard situation for me to be in - but at the end of the day, I won some battles and lost others. The day was still fabulous and luckily for us, my parents were able to relieve us from the financial burden after the fact - but it was hard to swallow during the 4 month planning stage. Yes 4 months - cuz if I was going to get married, Mom decided that it had to happen quickly before I turned 30 - hence our inability to save some money to finance it ourselves. Rock & and hard place….thank goodness that is over!
May 20th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I’ve never understood the need for a big, flashy wedding that no one can afford, and I agree with some of the previous comments that often it’s about what the parents want, and how THEY look to their friends and relatives.
I also don’t agree with parent’s paying for a wedding when a couple has lived together for a period of time. It’s the 21st Century for heaven’s sake, and we are not young virgins going from our parents’ home to our husband, we are usually fairly well-established and somewhat independent prior to marriage now. If a couple is old enough to live together, they should be mature enough to plan and pay for their own wedding.
Given the divorce rate these days, spending thousands or tens of thousands on a wedding is, in my opinion, one of the most foolish ways their is to waste money. If parents are so gung-ho on paying for a wedding, perhaps tradition should change and if the marriage lasts 10 years they can pay for a big 10th anniversary celebration party, and brag to their friends that their kid was able to stay married!
May 20th, 2008 at 11:58 am
we had an outdoor BBQ at a beautiful B&B with salads and other yummies. gorgeous gardens. 99 acres of nature, rivers, water falls etc. very non-traditional. we ended up having to rent a couple tents as the weather was not looking good. it was informal. we didn’t have a wedding party, we didn’t have all the cash grab parties prior. we just had friends, families, their kids and fun in our own way. no flowers (hello, outside), no invites that would be thrown out in a week (hello, evite!). nothing unnecessary.
a hurricane hit which was unfortunate and ended the party a bit early :), but it was ours and cheap. we were more interested in spending money on our life, not our day.
really, if people spent as much time, effort and money on their marriage as they do preparing for their wedding day, I wonder how relationships in general would turn out for Canadians.
May 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Wow.. what a bunch of wonderful women you are. Sounds like you had fabulous weddings without waste or bravado.. You’ve inspired this single gal
May 20th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
My hubby and I got married almost 14 years ago. I was fresh out of college and we were both too cheap to get the “high-end” wedding. So I delegated - delegated - delegated. Home-made flower arrangements, do-it-yourself decorating, second hand dress, and a dozen disposable cameras for the guests (the 4 year-old took terrific shots). I got my Mary Kay consultant to do my (and my bridesmaid’s) make up, by promising a part later, and we did our own hair. We rented an event tent and chairs to have the ceremony in a friend’s large yard, got a bargain reception by trading some of my graphic design skills for use of a restaurant, and my mom paid for the food.
We only had to put a couple hundred dollars on the credit card for the renting of tuxes and the limo to the wedding party to the reception (I bet we could have traded mechanical work for the limo if we had tried….) Then the outstanding was paid with the cash wedding presents from out-of-town family that couldn’t make it.
It poured rain for the outdoor ceremony, but the whole thing was so much fun! And I think because it was really a personal thing that everyone had pitched in to help, it took some of the stress for perfection away. It didn’t have to be perfect! So long as me and my man were legally wed at the end of the day, that was the goal!!!!
May 21st, 2008 at 2:38 am
Tracy J, I think you nailed it on the head. It doesn’t have to be perfect - weddings aren’t about perfection, they are about the promise of a lifetime of love with its ups and downs. I find myself more upset when I expect things to be perfect and they aren’t, versus the days I just let things be.
May 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pm
I got married in November and my wedding was absolutely everything I had ever dreamed of. Well come to think of it, I never was one of those girls who dreamt of what their wedding would be like, but while planning it I had a vision in my head and it turned out PERFECT!
I absolutely loved planning my wedding, I pretty much did it all myself with a little help from my parents and my now husband of course. On the financial side of things I was really lucky to have my parents give me my wedding as a gift. Basically what they did is they said they would pay for everything up front but a few months/weeks before the wedding my now husband and I had to pay them back for half, so thats what they did and my parents actually took the money we gave them and put it in a high interest savings account that they have now given back to us to be added to our down payment on our house. I am truely blessed with an amazing family and that’s what I wanted my wedding to be about, my family. Lucky for me my mother isn’t very overbearing (she never has been) so even though she paid for the whole thing she didn’t insist on making too many decisions, and thank god my mom and I share the same tastes when it comes to colors!
There were quite a few ways that I saved money for my wedding. I loved planning the whole thing and wanted to be involved in absolutely everything so I made my own invitations using scrapbook paper and my printer.
I bought the flowers for my centerpieces from coscto. What a savings thats was! I ordered the most amazing burgundy roses and they only charged us 17.99 per 2 dozen!!
I rented simple square vases and made sure to have someone keep an eye on them during the reception so none went missing (some people did try and walk off with them though haha).
Unfortunately my dream venues for the wedding just were not in the budget (even though my father did say he would pay for whatever I wanted I just couldn’t live with myself if I took advantage of his generous nature! I was determined to find the same feel but for cheap!). I am lucky enough to live in a city that has a wonderful heritage theme park with an old replica hotel that fit into my timeless theme. The food was amazing and was a fantastic price, plus no room rental! The park was closed for the season so my guests could walk around if they wanted and it was such a fun venue because you are esentially in a replica early 1900s village. It fit my husband and I perfectly.
Also having the reception in a place that already has a lot of character leads to much less decorating. All I did was place roses in vases on the table, and I was done. It also helped that the park had decorated for christmas and their decorations matched my burgundy/black/gold theme perfectly (I’m sure the event planner was shocked to find out I wasn’t going to have a bridezilla moment when she called in a panic the day before the wedding explaining how they decorated without her knowledge and there wasn’t enough time to take it all down).
Another thing that saved us money is that my mother in-law manages a liquor store, so she wanted to contribute all the liquor for us (we just paid a small corkage fee and brought in our own liquor). So she was able to pay cost for all the liquor and she ended up giving it to us as a gift.
My husbands family is extremly artsy so we had his aunt and uncle work on a wonderful slideshow for us as our gift. I am still amazed at the amount of work they put into it and how amazing it was.
There was one thing that I spent an allarming amount of money on and that was the photographers. I had discovered a boutique husband and wife photographer team while helping plan a girlfriends wedding and I knew the moment I looked that their website that they were going to do my wedding no matter the cost. I would have even got a second job just to pay for it if I had to. I would say I spent just under $7000 for photographs but I have never once regretted that decisions. I am in love with my photos and wouldn’t change a think. Thankfully my parents agree with me. All in all the wedding when totalled up cost just shy of $20,000 which is a lot, yes, but we did have 130 guests and had I been more frugal with the photography it would have cost much less. But I am so happy with how things turned out and wouldn’t have changed a thing!
June 14th, 2008 at 7:53 am
I really enjoyed reading your post, actually I enjoy reading all of your posts! I just wanted to add for any new soon-to-be-brides that I was able to have my dream wedding at a fraction of the cost even that you’re offering as reasonable. We hired a budget wedding planner, who promised to throw our wedding for $6000. After dress and tuxes and a few other unexpecteds it was closer o $8000. Food and drink for 130 people with all of the wanted trimmings!! I’m not sure if I can post her name and website, so I will encourage any brides to just search for budget wedding/bride services and Good Luck.
August 11th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
We were married 2 1/2 years ago, and the day was perfect for us.
I had a then 7 yr old, and so instead of a fancy reception centre, we books a local community centre. We went to the local op shops, and bought net curtains, and used them to create a “tentlike” feel, and the upside was, as many of our guests had young children, we could use the children’s room. We contacted the local university/tafe college, and found hospitality students, and an almost qualified child care work, and they agreed to work for a discounted rate in return for a reference if their work was up to scratch. It absolutely was.
We booked a local botanic garden, one of our friends is a Celebrant and she gave us her time as a gift. She also knew us both very well, so it was very personal. We wrote out own ceremony completely (easier than it sounds) My wife works in a secondary school, so she hired the school string quartet. As they were all students, very economical. Gorgeous.
The one thing we couldn’t scrimp on was food, we had 7 coeliac’s, 3 vegetarians, 3 lactose intolerances, 2 with fructose malabsorption, and I have about 6 family members who are just plain fussy!!!!!! However we had “butlered service” literally wait staff who walk around with finger food on trays, and napkins! Perfect people took as much as they wanted/needed. We made a gluten free-lactose free, etc etc mud cake, which my crafty cousins wife decorected for us in out themed colours of purple, red, and dark green.
My wife had two friends who were florists, (one owned a shop) and they got together, and split the flowers between them. They were their gifts to us. Gorgeous. Instead of a throwing bouquet, we had circlets in our hair, and we both frisbeed them!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had a candle ceremony, and made our own family candles, which was something we could include our daughter in.
We also contacted (again through Uni’s/tafes) a soon to be qualified graphic designer and fashion designer. Our outfits, and invites looked magnificent. And I can say I knew them both when!!!!!
Our photos I was very lucky. I worked for a website design company, and our Head of Creative was a photographer, and he gave us his time, as a freebie. We also borrowed cars from people we knew who had lovely cars, and turned up in a style suited to each of our personalities. I in a 1923 rolls, free of charge, and my wife in a 1 1/2 year old top of the line Monaro!!!!!!!!
I raided my wine collection (I had been a member of a wine club for years, and it was just building up) so we used that for alcohol, and only had to supply some soft drink, which we bought. My parents gave us several bottle of champagne for toasts.
All in all it was a memorable day, it poured rain, we were drenched, my $300 hair style was ruined, but we both looked beautiful, and total spend less than $5k. Not bad for two hundred guests. At least we like to think so.