You can choose to have a divorce filled with conflict. You can choose to have a collaborative divorce.

What? How can the words “collaborative” and “divorce” end up in the same sentence?

Good question. It’s new. It’s progressive. And it’s a way of handling your divorce so you keep the courts out of it, you get what you want (within reason), your ex gets what (s)he wants (within reason), the kids get what they need, and your lawyers make only a reasonable living.

Collaborative Divorce was created when lawyers noticed that dealing with family problems in an adversarial environment had an extremely destructive impact on the family. They created a system in which lawyers and their clients could work as a team rather than as adversaries. Each partner still has the support of his or her own lawyer to counsel and advise, and divorce coaches are also available to assist you in dealing with the often extremely emotional issues that arise.

Collaborative divorce is a non-adversarial approach used to resolve disputes about custody, access, support and the splitting of assets. It presupposes that you want to work it out without killing each other. And it puts a big focus on the fact that you’re likely going to have to have a relationship moving forward, so you better lay the groundwork now.

If you can answer “yes” to the following questions, you can have a collaborative divorce, save tons of money, keep your children happy, and build a new dynamic that works for you as you co-parent your children.

• Am I committed to open communication?


• Will I be honest?


• Can I be respectful of my ex-partner?


• Can I focus on resolving problems rather than on blame and revenge?


• Do I want to be in control of my destiny rather than relying on a judge’s decision?


• Am I committed to the best outcome for my children?