The process of getting a divorce has changed, and will continue to change, as we try to streamline the system, make it more child-focused, make it less expensive.

New processes are introduced, tested, and incorporated or tossed out. Sometimes the new systems introduced make no sense whatsoever — the guy who thought it up never actually had to stand in the line to get the court date — so everyone is in pain until someone has the guts to admit the old way worked better. Yet we muddle through. And as we do, we come to realize that the ending of a marriage is far more of a legal event that the beginning. Those words spoken in love to a single representative of the law (and of God perhaps) must be undone by a virtual army.

Depending on where you live, the process involved in getting a divorce can be quite different. Here, I’ve highlighted the main streets. It’ll be up to your lawyer to explain the lanes, side streets, and back-alleys of your divorce.

If you’re lucky, smart, willing, and able, you’ll be able to negotiate your way through Splitsville without become too lost in the jungle of motions, continuances and discoveries. If you’re unfortunate enough to find yourself taking full advantage of all our court systems have to offer by way of side streets and detours, you are going to find it very difficult to focus on getting to the end. But that’s what you must do.

I won’t lie to you and tell you that it’ll be easy. It won’t. But the love of your children can keep you balanced if you focus on them and on creating a new life together.